The Twelve Heavenly Chores of Saotome Ranma
by Juan Milagro
Summary: Ranma gets noticed by the Kami after the Battle of Jusendo and the death of Saffron. They charge Nabiki with hubris and sacrilege against them and heaven at large, even as They nominate Ranma to be the next demigod. This is a crossover between Ranma 1/2 and the Chrestomanci stories by Diana Wynne Jones. Readers are here advised that I am drawing from the Japanese language version.
1. Chapter 1

**The Twelve Heavenly Chores of Saotome Ranma**

 _Chapter 1: The Trial_

The skies over Nerima-ku were thick grey and low to the ground, as though they might unleash a flood of cold water at any second. Ranma looked outside and quailed inside.

Might know that the weather'd be bad, Ranma thought. It ain't like I've had any luck 'cept bad luck today.

Ranma tossed and turned in his sleep. It was but ten days since his failed wedding to Akane. He felt hungry, something that he had felt for ten years prior to arriving at Tendo-ke. He had forgotten what it was like to be truly hungry, but the recent misery making trip to China brought all those memories back. His hair was damp with sweat and his breath came in wracking gasps.

Anyone watching him would have been alarmed, but no one was in the room - not even his oafish father was there. Genma and Nodoka had moved out of Tendo-ke and had taken up residence in the tiny Saotome domicile in a neighboring district of Tokyo as Kasumi had demanded.

Behind Ranma's tightly squeezed eyes a startling event was taking place. He at first thought he was on trial for having killed a Kami - Saffron the Phoenix King. Nabiki was there trying to defend him against the charges. She claimed that what he had done was justified. They were barely holding their own, but only because Nabiki had wisely demanded a change of venue to be judged by another pantheon - any pantheon but the one they were facing now.

"Why'd ja do that, Nabiki?" Ranma asked out of the side of his mouth as he kept a wary eye on the Kami that surrounded the two of them. All of them were ferocious looking and looked thirsty for human blood.

"'Cause that's the only way you're gonna get a fair trial, Saotome. Saffron was a member of this pantheon. You don't have a prayer with the Chinese Pantheon, or even the Japanese Pantheon. Neither of them will have any love for you after what you did."

"And you think that the the Kami of any other pantheon will?" Ranma asked. He hated the idea of being tried by Kami. He did not think that they would understand why he did Saffron in.

"You'll get better treatment with them than you will this bunch, Saotome. Just look at these bloodthirsty Butt-holes!" Nabiki exclaimed. "They're hungry for your soul, man."

A thunderous laugh resounded from some unknown location. Ranma thought it might be the head splitting voice of Raidan, Kami of Thunder, but who could know for certain? This was his first heavenly trial. He had never had that much time for religion growing up on the road with Genma.

 _What do I know 'bout this crap?_ He thought. _Shit-Daddy didn't like religious stuff. He always said that we'd die soon enough and that we'd know for certain about the hereafter 'cause we'd be in the hereafter if there really was one. Now I'm in the hereafter and I don't know diddly-shit. It's embarrassin'._

"Your request for a change of venue has been granted!" the same thunderous voice that had laughed earlier declared. It was so loud and booming that Ranma and Nabiki alike winced the way one would when surprised by a nearby lightning strike. "Know ye that western Gods are far less forgiving than We Kami of the East are."

There was an actinic blue flash followed by a swirl of colors that made Ranma's stomach heave and his groin tingle, and then he and Nabiki abruptly found themselves standing in huge portico or arbor made of bright white marble columns standing on and around a large highly polished marble floor.

The roof overhead sheltered the floor from the sun and rain, but there were no walls to block the view from within. Ranma could see out between the columns. This fancy building had been constructed on a very high spot. He could see rambling hills and the rooftops of villages in the far flung distance. None of the architecture was at all familiar to him. Clearly this was a cold and lonely place one only visited when absolutely necessary. It made him nervous.

Nabiki, on the other hand, remained the uncrackable and imperturbable Ice Queen.

Ranma kept glancing at her with a mixture of awe, envy and anger.

 _She's as cool as a cucumber on a day in late fall,_ he thought. _Little wonder about that. She is not the one up on murder charges by the Gods. I am. What is she doing here anyway? Have the Gods charged her with anything?_

Without warning, a cripple appeared out of thin air in the middle of floor, just steps away from Ranma and Nabiki. Ranma could see that the old man's left leg had been hamstrung, causing him to limp. He had ashen hair and burn marks all over him. There were dark ribbons of soot mobilized by sweat running down from either temple and across his cheeks. The old man's deep set dark orange eyes winkled in a friendly way as he gave Ranma an engaging grin. He offered his left hand and Ranma took it into his own left hand without thinking that the old man had offered his left hand because he could not shake with his right hand.

The ensuing left handed handshake turned out to be a painful experience. Ranma had long prided himself on his grip. He had forced Ryoga to his knees with it once, but he found himself gasping with pain in a flash as this elderly man squeezed the bones of his left hand together. When the old man first seized his hand, Ranma wondered why he could not see the glove. The the skin of the hand that had seized his felt as rough as as any boot sole he had ever touched. Ranma managed to muster a fierce stare at the old fart despite his vice-like grip.

"Hello there, Ranma, my boy!" The old man said in a cheerful voice. "My name is Hephaestus; you have a fairly sound grip for a mortal.

Ranma let out a loud gasp as he felt his hand break off at his wrist. He stared in shock at his handless stump of a left forearm. There was no blood.

"Hey, now! Whatta didja do with my hand you old fart?" Ranma shouted.

Hephaestus gave him a nasty grin as he answered, "Now you'll need a tool, won't you?"

"What am I gonna hold a tool with?" Ranma asked. "You took my hand!"

"Don't worry, boy," Hephaestus answered. "I'll give it back - or a reasonable facsimile of it after your trial."

"What do ya mean a reasonable fagzemly?" Ranma asked in glass cracking shriek, but by then, Hephaestus had vanished the way he had shown up, taking Ranma's left hand with him.

Ranma was still flabbergasted and distracted by what had just happened and failed to see the sudden appearance of another man in the room.

"Hello, Tendou Nabiki," the man said in the smoothest most melodious voice Ranma had ever heard. "I trust that you found the trip here pleasant?"

"It was fast enough," Nabiki answered, "but it disoriented me. You are?"

"Oh, I beg your pardon! I'm Hermes, God of borders, transitions and trade. He bowed as Nabiki bowed back. Ranma bowed out of pure reflex, not inclination, but this guy's mere presence was compelling in a way that Ranma did not understand.

Hermes turned to look Ranma right in the eye.

"And you're Saotome Ranma. It is good to meet you," Hermes said with another polite bow. Ranma found himself hastening to bow a hair lower in return.

"Ah! I hear the approach of Athena," Hermes said in an apologetic voice. "She will want to meet you alone. Ta-ta!" And then _he_ vanished.

A tall woman with light brown hair suddenly appeared in the room. She had grey eyes and wore ancient western style armor, made out of bronze. Her clothing under the armor was made up of very soft flexible fabric, so that while it was not even remotely transparent, it actually enhanced the lines of her body rather than hid them.

She had her polished helmet pushed up to her hair line so that Ranma and Nabiki could see her face. Her grey eyes saw everything, even stuff that was not even remotely visible - Ranma somehow just knew that she did. She was as astute as the other Gods they had just met. Ranma found himself squirming under her steady unblinking gaze. She smiled at his discomfort before turning her attention on Nabiki. Ranma was gratified to see the Ice Queen flinch. Ranma had thought that it was possible for anyone to make Nabiki flinch, but Athena's gaze forced the Ice Queen to flinch in front of him.

"I am told that two of you have been very naughty," the grey eyed woman said. A great horned owl flew in and settled on her armored shoulder as she stopped speaking.

"And you are?" Nabiki asked.

"Don't be stupid, Nabiki," Ranma interjected. "She's Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom."

The woman snapped her eyes back onto the Saotome Childe and smiled. "See? You are much smarter than you let on - that's very wise of you, by the way."

Ranma bowed yet again. He had not bowed so many times in his entire life. He hated doing it, but these guys were Gods and Goddesses. They had such respect coming. Nabiki was quick to join Ranma in a low bow.

"Oos!" They said in chorus.

Athena responded with a mere nod of her head. "You two are the embodiment of youthful arrogance - you do realize that, do you not?"

"I earned the right!" Ranma responded.

"What my client means..."

Athena cut Nabiki off with laughter that tinkled like the finest crystal. "I well know what he meant, Tendou Nabiki. You need not put words in his mouth. I am charging you with the same accusation, or did you not notice that?"

"Uh, I thought it was Ranma who had been charged with ..."

"With what? Slaying a demigod who richly deserved it? Hardly! Ranma is here to be tested. You, on the other hand, are being charged for hubris and sacrilege against the Gods of all the pantheons. Are you ready to enter a plea?"

Ranma felt as though his jaw might fall on his toes. He could not believe what he had just heard. Judging from her reaction, neither could Nabiki.

"Well - you see - I didn't know there was any such thing as the..."

"Hmph! You had to have known on some level," Athena said cutting Nabiki off in mid protest. "You have lived with Ranma and others who share his curse for two years, have you not? You cannot claim that you doubted the existence of superior powers, can you?"

"Well, you know only four exceptions out of billions doesn't really..."

"Only four?" Athena asked. "What about Hibiki Ryoga? He alone would make it five people with a water centered curse. What about the people of Phoenix Mountain? They number in the thousands."

"Ryoga?" Nabiki was well and truly shocked. "Ryoga has a Jusenkyou curse?"

"Oh, I see!" Athena said. "You're not omniscient after all, are you?"

Nabiki choked and shivered from the top of her head to the very soles of her feet. She hung her head. "No, I just try to make people think that I am."

"I think I shall add willful blindness to your list of charges, Tendou Nabiki," Athena said in a very gentle voice. "You have been, you know."

Nabiki looked up at the Goddess and tried to protest, but it died in her throat. Ranma watched in awe as Nabiki drooped and was about to drop to the floor, but Athena stopped her.

"I do not view grovelling with any favor, Tendo Nabiki," Athena said in a stern voice. "You should be proud of your abilities; you _do_ have them. You _know_ that you have them. Your abilities are your last best hope in the trials to come."

Nabiki managed to stay upright. She involuntarily let out a wail. "But I thought you said that I was..."

"Charged with hubris?" Athena asked interrupting Nabiki. "You are, but you are also charged with sacrilege, don't forget. You should think about this before you enter a plea."

"A plea? What will I do?" Nabiki asked as a look of horror roiled her face.

"You will think," Athena said. "Thinking is one of your strengths. Use it."

Nabiki looked startled and doubtful as Athena cocked her head to one side. "Ah, my great aunt Aphrodite approaches," she said. "I positively loath her. I shall see more of you, young Tendou." Athena turned to look Ranma in the eye and said, "I look forward to learning the nature of your pending tests, Saotome-san." And with that, Athena vanished.

There was a flash of pink light as the scent of bubblegum filled the air. An intensely erotic laugh echoed across the shiny marble floor as a callipygian blonde traipsed around to Nabiki, caressing her cheek and chin with one hand.

"Oh, my!" The sexy lady said. "You're jealous of your sister. This statement was followed by another hearty laugh. "Whatever shall we do, hmm?"

Ranma gave Nabiki an outraged stare as he felt his jaw sag. "You ruined Akane's wedding on purpose?"

Nabiki winced visibly, but shook her head no.

Ranma rolled his eyes and sighed.

"It's not all her fault, you know, Ranma," the sexy lady said. "Do you know who I am?"

"Uh, Venus? No, Aphrodite! You're the Goddess of Love, right?" Ranma was now having a nice cold sweat.

"Indeed I am, sweetness," Aphrodite said as she caressed Ranma's cheek with her left hand. She somehow invoked his curse. "You've been leading several people around, haven't you? I wonder why you're still a virgin."

"I - uh - well..." Ranma stammered as his face reddened.

Nabiki rolled her eyes and shouted, "Just tell her the truth, _you baka_! We are dealing with the Gods here. Lying is futile."

"Oh, I know!" Aphrodite pouted. "It's that mean old nasty curse, right?"

"Er...well...Sorta, but..."

"Oh, come now, Ranma-chan," Aphrodite said with a purr in her voice. "Surely by now you know which sex enjoys having sex the most, yes?"

Onna-Ranma turned beet red as he choked off his thoughts before he could give birth to them with his voice.

"Poor Ranma," Aphrodite said in her soft purring voice. "He has so much of a sense of responsibility that he can't enjoy himself."

Nabiki snorted and then laughed out loud. "Right on target, Your Worshipfulness."

Aphrodite preened as she continued caressing Onna-Ranma's cheek.

"That boy who stays lost all the time cannot bring himself to admit that he lusts after this form of you - but then, you can't admit that you enjoy his attention, can you, Ranma? Your vanity is one of your greatest weaknesses, but then it is the same for we who live on the Heavenly Plane."

Steam shot out of both Ranma's ears causing Nabiki to giggle again.

"I must admit that seeing the two of you in the furoba was most amusing," Aphrodite said.

"What?" Nabiki asked. "Ranma and Ryoga in the furoba? When?"

"Oh, the night Ranma learned about Ryoga's curse, of course," Aphrodite said. "I thought that the boy would give in to his urges and rape this delightful little red head."

"Ranma already knew about Ryoga's curse..." Nabiki started to say, but she was cut off by an interjection from Aphrodite.

"Not his directional curse - nearly everyone knows about that. Many people don't know about the curse he picked up in China, do they, Ranma?"

Onna-Ranma was now purple. He stared up at the ceiling and remained silent. This made his large breasts far more prominent and his nipples betrayed his arousal through his thin tank top.

"You did not realize that your little sister is involved in a rather complicated love triangle, did you Tendo-san?"

"Akane's got way more love interests than she wants," Nabiki said.

"Indeed, yes, she does," Aphrodite said in agreement as she maintained contact with Onna-Ranma's face. "One would think that she is a patron of my rather too chaste cousin, Diana. She seems to have that kind of temperament, but then she is saddled with as many yearning and would-be lovers as Atalanta was. _That_ was a tragedy in its own right."

Nabiki stared at the Goddess of Love lost in thought.

Aphrodite removed her hand from Onna-Ranma's cheek, and his curse reverted without hot water; he was male again.

"Watching your ongoing romp with your too-too many partners has been hugely entertaining, Saotome Ranma," Aphrodite said, with an amused lilt in her voice. "Far more entertaining than anything I've seen in centuries."

"Oh, yeah! I'm sure it has been one thrill a minute for someone like you," Ranma said, sounding annoyed. "Why have you been playing with me?"

" _Moi_?" Aphrodite gave Ranma a mock pout. "Surely thy jest!"

"Well, somebody's been makin' a mess 'o my life!" Ranma shouted as a look of annoyance burned across his ruggedly handsome face. "I mean, who else woulda seen to it that I get turned into a girl ever-time I git splashed with cold water? Who but a God or Goddess is powerful enough to do such a thing?"

Aphrodite burst out laughing. "The curse was not aimed at you, Saotome-san. It was intended for your father!"

This did more than annoy Ranma, it enraged him.

"Shit-daddy? He's gotta curse of his own! Why didja haff to mix me up in his punishment?"

"Because it is written, my dear Ranma," Aphrodite answered. "The iniquities of the father are visited even unto the fourth generation of his descendants. You, my poor dear handsome boy, are but the first of his descendants. Your children will suffer less but much the same and then your grandchildren and your great grandchildren will suffer in their turn. Once your great grandchildren are grown, the curses your father earned might loosen their grip on his family.

Ranma groaned and even Nabiki felt sympathy for him, or let a little of what she felt show. Ranma had long suspected that her Ice Queen facade hid many secrets - most of which he did not want to know.

Aphrodite reached up and caressed Ranma's cheek with the palm of her hand and he once again turned into his cursed form.

"Why dya keep doin' that?" Onna-Ranma shouted in the high pitched voice of his cursed form. "Dontcha know that it embarrasses the hell outta me?"

Aphrodite laughed again, an outright thigh-slapper of a belly laugh this time. "Embarrassment was what your father was supposed to suffer from, Ranma. The curse was meant as a blessing to you."

Ranma's jaw sagged "A wha...?"

Aphrodite tilted her head down so that she was staring into Onna-Ranma's sapphire blue eyes. "How many other guys do you know who can enjoy being a real female, hmm? The only reason being female is a curse to you is because you _believe_ it to be a curse. You therefore fail to take full advantage of it.

"Oh, come on!" Nabiki interjected. "He takes advantage of it all the time."

Aphrodite smiled as she let her hand drop, making both Ranma and Nabiki alike shiver with lust at the same time. "Oh, I don't mean just using his looks to sweet talk men out of food and other favors. He must take full advantage of the curse before it will ever be a blessing. That is the way Jusenkyou works, you know."

Ranma was deeply puzzled and frowned, but Nabiki gave out a hooting laugh worthy of Kodachi on one of her higher trips.

"Oh, don't worry Ranma-san," Aphrodite said in an impish voice. "You need not carry a child to term. You only need to risk pregnancy to get the full blessing of Jusenkyou."

Ranma's eyes were now glazed over as though he had been struck by an overhand right from Prince Herb, the very potent Lord of the Musk.

"We Gods fully expected you to have taken the great life-changing chance before now, but we had not counted on your fanatic of a mother," Aphrodite said. "The additional pressure from her has trapped you into staying cursed."

"Please leave my mother out of this!" Ranma said. "She had nuthin' ta do with it."

"Well..." Aphrodite was about to enlighten him further, but Hera strolled across the floor, causing Aphrodite to beat an immediate retreat into nothingness.

"She dare _not_ leave your mother out of it, Ranma-san," Hera stated in an imperious voice. Ranma and Nabiki alike felt the weight of each word the Queen of Heavan spoke. "It was _she_ who chose your father as her mate. _She_ must now live with the consequences of _her_ decision. It is only just that _she_ pay for her indulgence in wishful thinking."

"The woman's insane!" Nabiki shouted. "There is no way any woman in her right mind would have chosen Genma to be her mate!"

"Oh, so says little Miss Wise-arse who has wasted most of her early youth pretending to be something she isn't!" Hera said.

Nabiki's face fell.

Hera pointed at Ranma and said, "Do you know why you find this young man so irresistible?"

If the floor had been ice, Nabiki would have melted a hole in it and disappeared, but it was marble and she could not do such a thing. Ranma found himself staring at her, feeling true horror for the umpteenth time in his young life.

"It is because he is loved by both Gods and Goddesses!" Hera declared. "Zeus and Susano-wo-Mikoto Kami both love him as they would a son. Even I am fond of him. He is one of the few whom Zeus and I agree about."

Nabiki's face all but sagged to her knees. "You mean he's royalty?"

"No, he has been nominated to become a demigod, which in many ways is far better, but in many ways vastly more uncomfortable."

"But what about Akane..."

Hera smiled. "I love your sister the way I would love my own daughter, Tendou-san."

"Oh, that explains so much!" Nabiki shouted. She ground her teeth together as though she were suddenly angry. Ranma naturally assumed that she could not help herself and was puzzled by Nabiki's unexpected behavior, but he was not that familiar with the Greek pantheon.

"Can I be certain that you are not our mother?" Nabiki asked in a tight voice.

Hera's only response was a silent smile at Nabiki as she faded from sight.

"Oh, my! Oh, shit! Oh, dear!" Nabiki exclaimed. Her voice echoed around the portico as it reflected off of its hard marble surfaces.

Ranma stared at Nabiki and shook his head, trying to clear it.

"I don't unnerstand why you're here," Ranma said.

"I am here because I have been charged with hubris and sacrilege," Nabiki said. "Weren't you paying attention?"

"This is my dream, Nabiki-chan, not yours."

"It figures!" Nabiki exclaimed. "He can't really tell the difference between reality and his imagination."

"Wha..."

"This is _really happening_ , Saotome!" Nabiki said as tears streamed down her face. "You are about to be given the test that is given to a demigod - and - I - I am about to stand trial for my sins against the Deities. I'm not sure which of us the worse off."

"I thought you didn't even believe in the supernatural, let alone the Greek Gods, Nabiki-chan."

"Well, I didn't before now. That is one of the sins I'm been charged with. I can't make up my mind whether disbelief falls under hubris or sacrilege."

"Both," the amused voice of Hermes answered as he flashed around the portico. "Arrogance often goes hand in hand with the refusal to acknowledge the truth of the Universe, but don't worry, Tendou-san. You're one of my favorite mortals. I shall happily argue in your favor. We Gods and Goddesses have done a piss poor job of proving our existence to you mortals. I blame the situation on the attitude of Jehovah, myself, but then I'm just one God among many Kami."

 _Damn, he's fast!_ Ranma thought. _I gotta spar with him some time. I don't think I'll ever lay a hand on 'im, but it'll be fun tryin'._

"Ah, yes, the Saotome Childe!" Hermes said in an amused voice as he took note of Ranma's presence. "Ever ready to test his mettle against all comers - even immortal beings."

Hermes stuck out his right hand. Ranma found himself accepting it the way a westerner might have done. This time it was not anything like what he had experienced with the God of Smiths.

"I am pleased to have you in My presence, Saotome-san," Hermes said. "I've been itching to meet you for the last two years. You're famous here in the Heavenly Plane you know."

" _Et tu_ , Hermes?" Nabiki asked.

"Me too what, Nabiki-chan?" Hermes asked. "You think I don't need a break from business and diplomacy once in a while? Sports are one of my favorite distractions - as they are one of yours."

Nabiki managed to look mildly chagrined. "I must admit that I really do like watching him beat blood and snot out of those wooden headed fools at Furinkan."

"I know," Hermes smiled and said. "I do too. Most of that is divine retribution, by the way. All of his victims attending Furinken will be spared much punishment in the future for having fallen afoul of our young hero, here. He has been working for us for several years now, even though he has always been ignorant of it."

Ranma was now thoroughly embarrassed; his face turned as red as barn paint.

Hermes turned to look at him and exclaimed, "He's easily embarrassed as well. That's unusual in a hero. Most of them are insufferable braggarts."

"Oh, please!" Nabiki exclaimed. "Just stick around for an hour or so."

Hermes laughed and Ranma's face went from red to a deep puce. Then Hermes vanished as three other people in heavy armor slowly appeared. The process reminded Nabiki of something very like what happened in a popular science fiction series about space travel. Neither Nabiki nor Ranma could recognize them for who they were. Ranma dropped back into a ready stance that did not look like a ready-to-fight stance.

One of the trio off her helmet revealing that her hair was a deep shade of red. It was so dark that it was barely brighter than pure black. Her eyes were an unnatural jade green in color. She dropped to her knees and her armor gave out an audible clank; she hugged Ranma's thighs just above his knees with both arms, making Ranma grimace with discomfort. Her breastplate had been shaped to fit over her ample bosom she had pressed it hard against his shins.

"My name is Enyo, Ranma-sama. I am a daughter of Zeus and Hera and twin sister to Ares, the God of War. I am at your beck and call, O Brave Warrior - ever at your service."

Ranma was now horrified to the point of petrification. He stood as still as a stone as the Goddess slowly worked her way up to her fully erect height. She was actually taller than Ranma by a head-and-a-half. That did not stop her from kissing him on his frozen lips - not that he wanted to stop her. Ranma had never refused a good looking woman much.

Ranma shuddered as all the negative human emotions flood his being during the kiss: fear, horror, fury, blood-lust and exaltation mixed with the fierce pride that can only come from slaying a dangerous enemy, all of which he had felt during the battle of Jusendou, but then came the horrifying sense of loss and the shock that always follows after the damage is surveyed. He was mentally transported to a battlefield and wondered why he had never been shocked by all the property damage done during one of his fights. The damage done to once comfortable dwellings alone was enough to give him guilty pause, let alone the devastated orchards surrounding them. The ragged and leafless trees turned the mild sunlight into the flames of a raging furnace. He coughed when he inhaled the dust, and the caw of ravens made him flinch.

The kiss ended without warning and Ranma found himself standing beneath the high roof of the stone portico. He shivered - not with pleasure, but from the sudden cold that started at his heels and ran up his back, spreading over the top of his head. It was like being hit from behind by a bucket of ice water. He felt the tingle of his curse being invoked and heard Enyo gasp with surprise.

"Oh, you've been to that place!" Enyo exclaimed. "I did not know. Do you remain as fierce in battle in your cursed form?"

Onna-Ranma merely gave Enyo a cold silent stare.

"He's much more fierce in his cursed form," Nabiki interjected. "It is a must for him because he is so much smaller after his curse is invoked."

Delight danced across the scary but beautiful features of Enyo's face. "I see. You truly are a wonder. It is amazing that you are not kin to any of us, but you are human, right down to your tiniest hair."

"Urgh...er...ah..." Ranma said.

"You will have to forgive Ranma's lack of eloquence," Nabiki said. "He never uses words much and is unfamiliar with most of them."

Enyo smiled grimly as she caressed Ranma's cheek with one hand. "Words are for diplomats. Fighting men have very different ways of communicating."

"I'll say," Nabiki said as she smirked at Ranma's plight. "Just wait'll my sister hears about all this."

"Yes, I know your sister, Tendou-san," Enyo said with another grim smile. "She is among the fondest of my worshipers."

"Akane worships a Greek Goddess?" Nabiki asked in a startled voice. "I'm surprised that she even knows about you."

"It isn't necessary for her to know about me," Enyo said. "She only needs to act the way she does to worship me. This ease of worship is the reason for your disbelief in us Gods."

"Thanks for the tip, Enyo-no-Kami," Nabiki said with a grim smile. "I'll remember that in the hard times to come."

"Don't thank me now, Tendou-san," Enyo said in cold voice that sounded very much like a sword being drawn from its sheath. "You might well find yourself convicted."

"At least you have given me a way out of the complaint," Nabiki said.

"There is that, I suppose," Enyo-no-Kami said. "Allow me to introduce my nephews, Phobos and Deimos. They and their father, Ares, loves to watch you fight, Saotome-sama. We are here in His stead because He is busy in the Middle East."

The other two figures, who had remained at a distance, removed their helmets revealing very ugly and frightening faces. Even Ranma flinched at the sight of them.

"Say goodbye to the mortals, boys," Enyo-no-Kami said in a command voice. "It is time for us to be off."

Zeus flashed into existence in the middle of the portico as Enyo and her two hideous nephews faded out into the void. He towered over Ranma like a brewing storm and threw a lightning bolt at Ranma even before he became completely visible. Ranma's keenly trained sense of danger went off and he was just barely dodged the lightning. It made a small crater in the marble floor surrounded by the crooked paths of radiating fulgurites. Ranma responded with a counterattack on Zeus that was too quick for the human eye to follow, but he was no match for the wily Father of the Universe.

Zeus laughed aloud as he ducked Ranma's flying kick, then again as Ranma touched down on the floor behind the King of Gods, trying to get in a blow on the all powerful God with an over-the-shoulder kick that most men were incapable of using. Zeus laughed again and again as he neatly avoided Ranma's furious and futile attacks.

"Stop!" Zeus commanded, and Ranma froze in the middle of his next attack. Nabiki admired and lusted after Ranma's frozen form. His muscles were still bulging from the effort of attacking Zeus Almighty.

"Careful there, Ranma," Zeus said. "I might have to bring you up on the charges we have brought against your admirer and want-to-be lover here."

Ranma rolled his eyes at Nabiki, giving her a very unhappy glare.

Zeus looked Nabiki in the eye saying, "Don't deny that you have a stash of photographs of his male form, Tendou-san. I know that you keep them handy for those cold and lonely nights."

Nabiki's face turned red. "There's nothing that I can hide from you Gods, is there?"

"No one can," Zeus said with a hale fellow well met laugh. "It's what makes us Gods - well - Gods."

Nabiki thought about this for a moment, and then said, "I plead guilty to the charges that all creatures on the Kami Plane have brought against me and throw myself on your mercy, O mighty Zeus." She then fell to her knees with her forehead on the floor.

Zeus stared down at the groveling Nabiki and smiled. "I suspect your misbehavior was the result of an honest mistake. I shall bear this in mind during your sentencing, Tendou Nabiki," Zeus said. "I _shall_ be merciful to you."

"Thank you, O mighty Zeus," Nabiki said, without raising her head.

Zeus then turned to Ranma and said, "And as for you, my girlish boy, what have you to say for attacking me, the Lord God of all Creation?"

"You had it comin'!" Ranma shouted. "You tried to fry my ass with a lightnin' bolt!"

"Indeed I did, Saotom-san," Zeus said with a belly laugh. "You should have seen the look on your face."

"What? You like scarin' the shit out of mortals like me?" Ranma asked.

Zeus responded with another heartfelt laugh. "You may move about now."

Ranma slowly retrieve his limbs from his kick. It was a marvelous sight for anyone who knows anything about the Martial Arts. Ranma did not move so much as he flowed from statue in a painful pose to human standing on the floor normally. He did not fully relax, but stayed at the ready while appearing to be relaxed.

Zeus beamed at Ranma and then at the still groveling Nabiki. "The two of you return home now," Zeus thundered. "I shall send Hermes around to deliver the Verdict of Heaven for both of you. Pray that the others are as kindly disposed toward you as I am."

* * *

Ranma woke up and realized that his entire body had become entangled in his own covers. He wiped the sweat from his brow and sighed.

"Just a frikkin' dream!" Ranma shook his head. "I can't believe that it was just a dream. It was so damned _real_."

He untangled his legs from the covers; got to his feet and stumbled about gathering his bath things. It was still the wee hours in the morning - long before sunrise - but he knew that he could not sleep out the remainder of the night with all the sticky sweat coating his skin. It made him feel dirty and uncomfortable.

"City life is startin' to soften me up," Ranma muttered to himself. "How about that! Shit-daddy was right. Ya _do_ hafta git out on the road to learn how to cope with real hardship...and here I thought all this time that he had been using that line of crap as an excuse to dodge to get outta doin' real work."

As he reached the head of the stairway, Ranma noticed that Nabiki was stepping off of the bottom step, just as he made the first step down. She disappeared around the corner to her left and then he heard the door to the furoba sliding open and shut.

Ranma rolled his eyes to the heavens as he continued down the stairs.

"Looks like I'm gonna hafta use Soun's garden hose outside," Ranma muttered. "It's cold enough to make yer nuts shrivel up an hide behind yer belly button out there - and the water's gonna be even worse."

Once he stepped down onto the floor he decided that taking a cold bath outside would be good for him. "Gettin' too soft, dammit! Just _too damned_ soft."

* * *

Nabiki was waiting on the engawa with a kettle of warmed water as Onna-Ranma finished his ablutions. Given the nature of his dreams, he had decided to turn his bath into a formal quasi-religious ritual. He actually prayed and everything.

"Hello, hero," Nabiki said with a lascivious smile. "but that's soon to be demigod, isn't it?"

That alarms went off in Onna-Ranma's head and bounced around behind his lovely face.

"Ya mean all that was not just a nightmare? You were really there?" Onna-Ranma squeaked. He was shocked almost beyond words.

Nabiki poured deliciously warm water over Onna-Ranma's cold wet body, revoking his curse. Then she handed him a towel and he started drying off his naked body - well mostly naked - he was still wearing his wet boxers. Nabiki threw her arms around his shoulders, pressing her braless bosom up against his hard flat chest. He could feel her stiff nipples beneath her flannel nightgown.

 _Funny how much softer a woman is than a man,_ Ranma thought. _I am more aware of it because I'm a girl for about half the time. I'm fixin' ta get a stiffie. Akane'll kill us both if she sees this._

Nabiki kissed Ranma full on his lips and then stuck her tongue in his mouth. This alarmed him to no end. He did his best to resist and felt his manhood harden up until it felt as though he had a nightstick stuffed down the one leg of his pants.

 _Nabiki feels like she's on fire!_ Ranma thought. He was now even more alarmed than he would have been if Shampoo had done the same thing to him. _Nabiki's a lot smarter than Shampoo is. She always gets what she wants._ _What'd I do to her? Has she really had the hots for me all this time?_

Nabiki pulled back from the kiss.

"You should enjoy this, Ranma, Nabiki said with the look of a sexy imp on her face. "It'll be our only time together."

"There ain't enough time for what you have in mind, Nabiki." Ranma was now choking out his words.

"So you're going to let me die a virgin?" Nabiki asked.

"You ain't gonna die, Nabiki," Ranma said. "I won't allow it."

"Hah! Fat lot of good you'll do against the likes of Zeus."

"You ain't doin' what yer supposed ta do, ya know," Ranma said in a voice now hoarse with lust. "You ain't thinkin' things through."

Nabiki rocked back and allowed her weight to hang from Ranma's neck by the knots on her slender wrists and frowned up at Ranma's face. He knew that he was staring at her with heated lust, but could not help it.

"I suppose I did allow another part of my anatomy do my thinking," Nabiki said as she ground her pubic arch up against his crotch. The heat coming from that part of her body was more overwhelming than even Shampoo's usually was.

"And another part of mine is about to seize control of this whole situation if you don't let me go right now!"

Nabiki pouted and rubbed her crotch against his one more time.

"Pity, but true."

Then she let go of his neck and stood up straight. "So, now you know it was more than a dream, right?"

"Yeah, I do," Ranma said. "I've never had a dream that was so real as that nightmare was. It's even harder for me to believe that it was anything more than my ego at work."

Nabiki reached out and grabbed Ranma's throbbing member with one hand. "If you're not going to let me die with my virginity, how are you going to save my life?"

"By doing whatever you tell me to do, Nabiki-chan," Ranma whispered. Nabiki's grip on his throbbing member was driving him up a mental wall. "You do the thinkin' in this operation - thinkin' ain't my long suit."

Nabiki made a derisive face. "You're one hell of lot smarter than you let on, Saotome. The stupid jock act has worn thin on me."

"So I noticed," Ranma said as he grabbed her by the wrist, "but it doesn't change the fact that you are better equipped to do the plannin', now does it?"

"Ranma!" Akane wailed in her sleep. Her shouts were loud enough for both of them to hear.

"She's reliving Jusendou in her sleep again, Saotome," Nabiki said. The heat boiling off of her body went out like candle that had been blown out by a north wind in winter. Her fingers loosened and her hand fell away from Ranma's manhood. "She's been doing that since you guys got home from China."

Ranma stood there staring up a the second floor balcony with his wretched feelings playing across his face. He could not stop showing them. Akane's troubles had been cause by his presence at Tendou-ke. Had it not been for him, she would never have been kidnapped and dragged to that awful place in China. His guilt over what had happened to Akane tore at him like cat claws.

Nabiki thumped his chest with her elbow. "Don't just stand there with your teeth in your mouth, Saotome! Go comfort my little sister."

Ranma gave Nabiki a hard stare. "Promise not to get jealous?"

"Jealous of my sister?" Nabiki asked. "Never! You belong to her, not me. I just wanna borrow you once in a great while, that's all."

Ramaa, no-o-o!" Akane cried out in a forlorn voice. "Don't go without me!"

"Git, Saotome!"

Goaded by guilt and Nabiki's insistence, Ranma made it up the stairs in just two hops.

"Sooner or later you're gonna hafta give in and have sex with her, ya know!" Nabiki called up to Ranma.

He flashed her a glare that showed a mix of anger and embarrassment.

"And don't look at me in that tone of voice!" Nabiki shouted again. "Try seducing her with your girl half first."

Ranma rolled his eyes and yanked the door to Akane's room open and disappeared inside.

* * *

Nabiki felt wretched and her body language showed it. She staggered around the room twice, then flipped the switch that turned on the electric heater beneath the dining table in the chanoma, then flopped down beside it. She stuck her long slender legs beneath the table to warm them up and the propped her head up with the heals of both hands on her forehead and her elbows on the table.

"Akane's not going to be happy knowing that Ranma has at least two more fiancées," she muttered. "Me and Enyo-no-Kami are now officially on the list of her worries. If she's lucky, Kasumi still doesn't have an interest in him."

"Oh, I've had an interest in him from day one," Kasumi said, startling Nabiki out of her wits. She jerked so hard that it hurt her entire body. She sat bolt upright and stared hard at her eldest sister.

Kasumi smiled back at her. "Don't look so shocked. The boy has grown increasingly handsome since he first arrived here. He's very easy on the eyes."

"I thought you didn't like younger men," Nabiki said, feeling her stomach plummet.

"Ranma's not so young anymore," Kasumi said. "He's his own man now. Ready to do as he pleases."

"Oh, please don't tell me you that you're fa..."

"Falling for him?" Kasumi asked. "In lust maybe, but I find it necessary to resist those impulses. What about you? Did you make some kind of late night confession to him?"

"Not exactly," Nabiki said. "We traveled to the Kami Plane together. One of the Kami told him how much I'm attracted to him."

Kasumi's eyes widened. "Oh, really? Did they tell him about all those pictures you took of him bathing?"

Nabiki felt her face grow hot with embarrassment. "Yes, as a matter of fact, Zeus did."

"Zeus? Really?" Kasumi asked in a disbelieving voice. "You really believe that there is a god named Zeus?"

"Yes, Zeus," Nabiki said dryly. "He's the chief God of the Greek Pantheon."

"I know what the myths say, little sister," Kasumi said, "but I thought that you did not believe in any sort of supernatural beings or phenomena of any kind."

"That was before tonight," Nabiki said.

"Just what did happen tonight?" Kasumi asked. "Why have you changed your mind?"

"Because tonight the entire Eastern Pantheon brought me up on charges of sacrilege and hubris."

Kasumi considered this statement for a few seconds, then said, "Well, at least your subconsciousness knows what you're guilty of."

"It's more than my subconscious, sister dear, Ranma was there too."

"Ranma and you in the same dream?"

"Yes, only it was me dreaming about Ranma, it was Ranma and me having the same dream."

"Oh, really?" What did the Kami charge Ranma with then? Murdering Saffron?"

"No, they want to him to undergo testing to become a full demigod."

"Hmm, why the Greek Pantheon?" Kasumi asked. "Isn't that the wrong set of Kami for you and Ranma?"

"I demanded a change of venue from the Oriental Pantheons," Nabiki said. "It seemed only fair. I was afraid they already had their minds made up about me and my alleged crimes. _They_ chose the Greek Pantheon, not Ranma and me."

Kasumi's face looked far less than convinced. "Have you been sneaking Grandfather's saki again?"

"No."

"Have you been experimenting with marijuana or some other drug?"

"Of course not!" Nabiki screamed. "Who do you take me for?"

"I once thought you were an intelligent young woman completely lacking in any superstition or even religious beliefs whatsoever, but now I see that I was wrong."

"Just because I've been to the Kami Plane?" Nabiki asked in a voice growing more incredulous with every question her elder sister asked.

Kasumi's stare was as calm and cool as a mountain lake, but it was equally implacable. "No, because you claimed to have gone their in your sleep and have _not_ died," Kasumi said. "You must admit that your claims are quite extraordinary."

This forced Nabiki to pause for thought. "I agree," she said, returning Kasumi's cold implacable stare. "You don't have to believe me, so don't ask me any more questions until you have discussed this with Ranma."

The two girls sat and stared at each other during the long silence that ensued. They heard Akane making comfortable noises from upstairs accompanied by indistinct words in Ranma's voice. It was clear that he was trying to calm their youngest sister.

Kasumi sighed. "We shall talk again after breakfast - and after I have had a discussion with Ranma."

"Fair enough, _Big Sister_ ," Nabiki said, "but then we are going to have to talk about this Kami-sama of yours. He isn't the only God around, is he?"

Kasumi was non-plussed and so remained silent as she left for the kitchen.

"There she goes hiding behind those dishpan hands of hers," Nabiki said. "What a waste."


	2. Chapter 2: The Verdict

**The Twelve Heavenly Chores of Saotome Ranma**

 _Chapter 2: The Verdict_

A cold front made its way through Nerima during the night, precipitating out of existence the acrid fog of greater Tokyo and leaving burning blue skies behind itself.

 _These conditions will last for at least two days,_ Kasumi thought, _perhaps more. It all depends on how much cold air the mountains have restrained._

The final outcome of the cold front's advance remained to be seen, but Kasumi Tendou was determined to enjoy the beautifully clear weather while it lasted. She was torn between a long crystalline cold spell and ephemeral spot of clarity between long bouts of hazy smog. She, like most Japanese people, rather enjoyed the impermanent and loved her melancholy just as much as her neighbors did. This is why the sakura blossoms are rabidly followed as they bloom across Japan during the spring. The Japanese are enthralled with the fleeting nature of life.

She hummed to herself as she undertook to accomplish several outside chores: hanging out the laundry, airing out bedding, sweeping the walks - any excuse to stay outside and be free of the aging Tendou-ke would do for her. She needed a change of pace. It was October and Tokyo weather is always miserable in October. A day like this in October is always something to be appreciated by a native of Tokyo. Too bad that most of them are too busy to note the weather.

It was well past the morning rush hour and the narrow streets of their neighborhood were quiet, save for the odd pedestrian, there was no traffic on them at all. There came a whooshing sound like the approach of tsunami, as a series of bright flashes like the sun hammering a whirling group of mirrors suddenly blinded her.

Through the dazzle came a calm clear, yet insistent voice: "Tendou-san? I have a message for your one of your sisters and Ranma. Will you please deliver it to them?"

Kasumi shook off the effects of the noise and flashing sunlight. She found herself standing in the front gate, but she was puzzled because she could not remember having opened it. There was a long tall drink of a man standing in front of her with an exceedingly winning smile. He wore a round chrome plated hat with wings on it - not painted wings - wings that had been hammered out of thin silver that looked like the wings of a bird. He had golden colored wings on his sandals.

 _Sandals?_ Kasumi thought. _Sandals with golden wings attached to them?_

She looked past the man and out onto the street there was a strange vehicle floating above it at about the level where an ordinary car would sit on its wheels, but this car had no wheels and it was streamlined, much like an airplane, but it was not an airplane - or any other sort of vehicle that she had ever seen before. It looked like something from a series based on science fiction. It emitted a faint hum as Kasumi stared at it in amazement.

"Tendou-san?" The strange man asked. "Will you give this letter to your sister and Saotome-san?"

Kasumi shook her head and focused her eyes on the face of the man standing within easy reach of her arms. She found herself blushing like a teenager despite her having left her teen years behind a long time - two entire years - ago. Everything about this man shouted: "I'm great! Look at me!" Yet no one but Kasumi had noticed him - so far. Her first instinct was to try and see if he were married.

"Of course, Sir," Kasumi said as brightly and politely as she could. She was still trying to recover from her shock from his grand entrance into her life. She focused her mind on what had been written on the man's vehicle. The message was very subtly done; the characters had been formed by making parts of the finish less shiny than the rest so that they appeared to be a barely visible frosting. They read _Uchuu Hisayaku-kyo_ , or Cosmic Delivery Service.

Kasumi was desperate to engage this handsome stranger in conversation so she asked, "Er, uh, is that your truck?"

The man smiled at her and it was as though the sun had just come out all over again. "Yes, it is. It's very nice. Would you like to ride in it?"

Kasumi tingled all over as her heart raced up faster than it had beat since before her mother died. It was like being back in high school all over again.

"I'd love to," Kasumi said. "Any time you want to pick me up."

The man beamed at her and Kasumi felt her heart race away all a flutter.

"I'll have time to take you on a trip tomorrow. May I stop by here at eight in the morning tomorrow?"

"How long will..."

"Oh, just for the day, provided you don't want to hang around with me longer than that," the man said with a knowing smile.

Kasumi took the neatly folded envelope from the man as she glanced around to make certain that no one was in earshot

"Yes, please do. I look forward to it."

"I'll be here," the man said. "Eight o'clock sharp."

"I'll be right here waiting," Kasumi said. She was grinning like a child opening a Christmas present. She was simply dying to unwrap this guy's gifts.

"See you then, Kasumi-san," the man said. He strutted back over to his vehicle. A hole simply appeared in its side and steps literally formed out of the post-space aged materials it was made from. He clambered aboard and the front end of it became transparent. He waved at her and was then suddenly gone - vanished. There was only silence left in the wake of his departure.

* * *

Kasumi turned to close the gate and it was only then that she realized that she had just agreed to go out with a grown man, in his late thirties, whose name she did not know. The heavy gate swung closed and its latch clattered as it fell into place.

"Why didn't I ask him for his name?" Kasumi asked the empty yard. "What happened to me? Why was I so dazzled by him? It simply is not proper! I can't possibly..."

Then her brain got back into gear. _What on Earth is so improper about a woman doing what comes natural to a woman?_ Kasumi's mind asked. _He is the most handsome and definitely the most engaging man you've met in your entire life._

 _But I don't know a thing about him!_ Another part of her brain protested. _For all I know, he could be a serial killer!_

 _Nonsense!_ The impressed part of her personality answered. _We know better than that. We would have sensed something wrong with if he were._

 _Oh, please! Your just desperate for masculine company._

 _And you aren't?_

 _Well, okay, we both are, but we are not this desperate. Going off with a complete stranger? That's just not us!_

 _Oh, no! We're just Daddy's partial replacement for Mom and resented elder sister to our sisters. We'll be here for ever working our hands to the bone and not having any children of our own to cuddle. Why should WE have any fun?_

 _Congratulations! You just made that guys offer look inviting, but I'm still afraid._

 _Oh, don't be. He's all right. All he wants is to make us happy for a while._

 _Maybe he'll make us..._

 _Shush! Don't go there. T'isnt proper._

Kasumi shook her head and looked at the envelope. It had writing on it that was obviously the same script she had seen on the floating truck, but she had no clue about what it meant, other than she could recognize the names of her sister and Ranma.

 _Why can I understand the names and not the rest of what is written on this envelope?_ She wondered. _I have never seen this kind of writing before. Why can I understand certain parts of it and not the rest? I should not be able to understand any of it._

Kasumi opened the front door and took her shoes off. Once she had on her house slippers she went into the house proper.

She found Akane sitting at the table in the chanoma. She was studying from her history textbook. Kasumi dropped the envelope on the page that Akane was reading and said, "Please tell me what this says, if you can, Akane."

Akane froze into place and stared at the envelope for a few seconds, then picked it up.

"This is really good paper," Akane said. "It must have cost a fortune."

"I'm sure it did, but can you read what is written on it?"

"Well, I can make out that it is addressed to - Nabiki and Ranma! What is he up to know?" Akane shouted. "What has he been doing with my sister?"

"Perhaps you should be asking yourself what _she_ has been doing with him, for a change, Akane," Kasumi said. "You are always so quick to blame Ranma for everything."

"My own _sister_?" Akane shouted as she reflexively clinched her fists. The envelope crinkled up into a tightly folded bundle; it now looked much like a crumpled fan. Akane realized what she had done and let go of the envelope. It fluttered to the floor without so much as a single crease or wrinkle in it.

Kasumi and Akane alike stared down at the should-have-been-creased envelope with astonishment.

Kasumi gasped. "Oh, yes! It has to be the very best paper ever made."

Akane frowned at the envelope as she picked it up. She shoved her feet back beneath the table where the kotatsu could keep them warm.

"I really can't understand anything else that is written on this envelope, Kasumi. All I can make out is 'Tendou Nabiki and Saotome Ranma, Tendou-ke Nerima.' The rest is just incomprehensible scribbling as far as I can tell."

"That's strange," Kasumi said with a frown wrinkling her forehead. "The only thing I could make out when I first saw it were the names of Ranma and Nabiki, now I can see the same thing you do. I can read the address as well."

"This is really strange writing," Akane said. "I have never seen it before, but I can understand parts of it. Why is that?"

"If you think this is a puzzle, Akane, you should have seen the dreamboat that delivered it just a few minutes ago."

"Dreamboat?" Akane asked. "You mean a really handsome guy delivered this beautiful thing?"

Kasumi silently nodded her head.

"What was his name?" Akane asked.

"You already have Ranma, Akane."

"What? Just because I sort-of have Ranma I can't know the name of the courier who delivered this astonishing envelope?"

Kasumi, who is a great deal quicker on her feet than most people realize answered. "Not really, no. He's _mine_."

This statement shocked Akane into making her eyes as large as dinner plates. She stared at Kasumi and said, "Yours?"

"Yes. Mine! All mine! I saw him _first,_ " Kasumi said. "He's attracted to me, too. You go play with Ranma and his other suitors and leave _us_ alone."

Akane was shocked into laughing out loud. "You just met him, and you are already planning to elope?"

Kasumi thought about Akane's question. She had clearly meant it as a joke, but Kasumi realized that she was ready to do just that - _elope with a handsome stranger._

"Eight o'clock tomorrow morning," Kasumi said. "I'm going away with him and I won't be back 'til I'm good and ready."

Akane's mouth sagged open as she turned as white as a sheet. She finally recovered after a very long minute or so and shouted, "Kasumi!"

Nabiki then came down the stairs. "What is all this I'm hearing?"

"Kasumi's going to elope," Akane said. "At eight o'clock tomorrow morning."

Nabiki stopped and stared at Kasumi and then looked at Akane. Then studied Kasumi. "With whom?"

"With the guy that brought this," Akane said as she scooped up the wrinkle proof envelope. "Kasumi was very taken with him."

Nabiki did not touch the envelope. She knew what it was with a mere glance. "Go get Ramma, Akane." Her voice was cold as ice.

"Why?" Akane asked. "It's addressed to both of you. Don't you want to read it first? That would give you an edge over Ranma."

"I don't want to read it at all, little sister," Nabiki said as she began to silently tear up. "Just go get Ranma."

"He's finally studying for a change," Akane said. "I..."

"Just go get Ranma you silly little witch!" Nabiki shouted. Her voice was surprisingly loud, blasting strands of Akane's hair back.

Akane glared at Nabiki. "What have you been doing with him, Nabiki?"

"Me? With Ranma? You really think that he would have anything to do with me?" Nabiki asked. "You have got to be the single most paranoid person I have ever met, Akane. Just go get your fiancé and bring him down here, dammit!"

Kasumi stared at Nabiki. Her middle sister looked as though she had been give several death sentences at one and the same time. She was that frightened.

"What are you afraid of, Nabiki dear?" Kasumi asked. "I haven't see you this morose since Mother died."

"Akane, go get Ranma! Now!" Nabiki once again shouted. "I mean it!"

"Why, Nabiki? Why should I?"

"Because this letter scares me shitless!" Nabiki shouted. "And it should frighten you shitless as well."

"But why?" Akane said.

 _Akane's as stubborn and truculent as ever,_ Kasumi thought. _I had best do something to calm things down._

"I'll go get him," Kasumi said as she started up the stairs. "Don't open the envelope until I bring him back, okay?"

Akane and Nabiki nodded their heads in unison.

* * *

As Kasumi ran up the stairs, Happosai swaggered in through the engawa doors. "Got a mighty fine catch this time! Mighty fine. I'll just love on 'em for a while and then sell 'em to some other bloke who isn't in good enough shape to collect his own."

Happosai had yet another bag of women and girl's underwear slung over his shoulder. He would fuss over them for a while and then put them on the market. Sales of the stolen panties was one of the things that kept Tendou-ke solvent.

Happosai spied the envelope in Akane's hand and quailed with fright. "Where did that come from?" His voice shrieked out the question; he was alarmed _that_ much.

"Kasumi says that it arrived today by some kind of courier service," Akane said.

Happosai immediately made a series of warding gestures and then disappeared in a cloud of not-quite-clean linen. Kasumi sipped out the front door while the linen was still settling on the floor.

Akane and Nabiki both groaned aloud as they began picking up Happosai's "silky darlings." They were still picking them up when Soun arrived with Genma. Both of them were as drunk as skunks.

They had been hitting the local beer joints more often recently and their returning home from an all night celebration over one of their piddly little successes. Their returning home inebriated had become something of a non-event.

"Where's Kasumi, girls," Soun asked. "Genma and I are hungry."

Nabiki gave the two men a cold stare and said, "I'll order take out, Daddy. Kasumi's got better things to do."

"Better things..." Soun paused because was well and truly puzzled. "What better things?"

"Oh, like eloping, because you haven't lived up to your duty," Akane said.

"Yeah, Daddy," Nabiki said. "You should have found Kasumi a husband _long_ before now."

Genma grunted and jerked his arm off of Soun's shoulders, then vomited on the grass of the back garden. His sudden eructation smelled of boiled eggs and beer.

"I what?" Soun cried out. "Why? I didn't know that she even wanted a husband!"

"Oh, Daddy!" Nabiki said in an irritated voice. "You are so self-absorbed that it stopped being funny a thousand years ago. Of course she wants to get married. What else is a girl like Kasumi supposed to do? Keep house for us? Are you really as swinish as all that?"

"Yeah, Dad!" Akane interjected. "All you have ever thought about is what _you_ want. Not what _we_ want. This is the late end of the twentieth century, but you run around in a drunken stupor pretending that the Meiji Restoration never happened! Sometimes I just do not understand what it is with you and your decrepit outdated attitude."

Nabiki gave out an exasperated sigh and sat down, shoving her bare feet under the table. "Let Kasumi do the calling for their brunch! She's the one who has tolerated their rotten behavior all these years."

"Hmmph!" Akane snorted as she sat down next to Nabiki. "If she's going to go, she may as well leave saying: 'You should have done better by me!' I wouldn't look after them at all. They don't deserve it!"

"Ain't that the truth!" Nabiki said. "Kasumi's worked her ass off for you two old farts and all you've done for her is-what? Oh, that's right. Nothing! Not one damned thing! She's even been wearing Mom's old clothes since she quit school to keep house for you, Dad."

Soun and Genma both were horrified by these all too accurate accusations, so they did what they always did when they were caught - they groveled. They were still groveling before the uncaring Akane and Nabiki when Kasumi came back with Ranma in tow.

* * *

"I found him in the park," Kasumi said. "He was working on his ki."

Akane rolled her eyes and stared at Ranma. "You're as bad as those two old fools! You know that, don't you?"

"Does he know why you brought him home, Kasumi?" Nabiki asked.

"I haven't told him a thing," Kasumi said. "I thought it best that he see for himself."

Akane waved the divine envelope at Ranma. "This is for you and Nabiki, you skank! Why you insist on cavorting with other women all the time is a complete mystery to me."

Soun and Genma stared hard at the envelope. Both of them realized that the paper it was made from was of exceptionally fine and expensive.

"Is that from the Tenno?" Soun asked.

"Can't be!" Genma interjected. "What would the Emperor want with a mere slip of a boy?"

If looks could kill, Genma would have dropped stone dead from the dirty look Ranma threw at him. Fortunately for the graceless Genma, looks can do no such thing - unless the glare happens to be from a one of the legendary Gorgons - so Ranma's angry stare did the ever fatuous Genma no harm whatsoever, but it did amuse the formidable thief and lousy father to no end. He answered Ranma's hateful glare with an equally hateful grin.

"It's from the Kami," Nabiki said. "They put me on trial for hubris and sacrilege."

Kasumi wanted to be amused, but suddenly decided that she should not show it. _After all, who was it who had suddenly jumped out her normal behavior pattern over a mere courier? It was none other than Tendou Kasumi, that's who._

Akane was scornful. "Oh, please! Now you're just having us on, Nabiki. There's no way that this came from the Kami."

"Actually, I think it is from the Greek Pantheon," Ranma said. "Who's it addressed to?"

"What'd they put you on trial for, Ranma?" Akane asked. "Bed hopping?"

"Actually, if you believe the myths about the Greek Pantheon, nearly all of them are sexually promiscuous. Almost none of them have any room to complain about Ranma," Nabiki said in a suddenly tired voice. She looked like death warmed over. "I'm gonna die a virgin."

"I won't allow that," Ranma said sharply. Making the hair of every other person in the room and out in the yard stand on end.

Soun and Genma both looked overjoyed. "He's gonna to knock two of 'em up!" They shouted in chorus.

Akane's battle aura suddenly expanded into a flare of previously unexampled magnitude and intensity. She magicked herself to her feet and put both of her fists on her hips.

"And why do you say that, Ranma?" She shouted.

"Because she's your sister, you a _ho_!" Ranma shouted back "D'ya really think she deserves to die that way?"

"That all depends, Ranma!" Akane shouted back.

"Depends on what? What could you possibly mean by such a thing?" Ranma shouted.

"It depends on who she wants to give her virginity to, _you_ _baka_!" Akane shouted so loud that the windows rattled.

Ranma suddenly looked sheepish and hung his head.

Akane's aura suddenly turned into a green monstrous version of herself, replete with horns, and glared at Nabiki. "What did you do, Sister dear?" Akane's voice now sounded like the hissing of a very angry and very deadly snake. Her aural image even grew long prominent fangs as she spoke.

Nabiki shuddered with obvious fear. "I made a pass at your fiancé, Akane." Nabiki's voice was faint and squeaky. "Please, please forgive, me. I knew that I was guilty as charged by the Kami and that I am going to die soon."

Akane's aura went out like a candle in cold wind. "You really believe that you're going to die?"

"Yes! I am guilty of what the Kami have charged me with. I have never believed in anything supernatural. I decided it was all just made stories to keep us all in line. Now the Kami are so angry with me that I cannot see what else they might do to me. I'm going to die the most wretched death anyone could possibly suffer!"

"Or, they might actually do worse to you by keeping you alive," Kasumi said. "That is another possible option. Have you read about what they did to Tantalus?"

Nabiki responded by clapping a palm over each of her eyes and shed genuine tears from her fear and grief.

* * *

Other than the sobs from the distraught Nabiki, the chanoma became so quiet that you could hear an aluminium one yen coin fall on the tatami. Ranma puzzled over the envelope in this thick silence, trying to understand how it was supposed to be opened, but then it suddenly unfolded on its own. It fell out of Ranma's hands onto the table. Then it emitted a series of bright coruscations accompanied by the sound of distant thunder. After that, a three dimensional image of Zeus appeared hovering over it. The image looked Ranma right in the eye as it began to speak.

In the matter of Saotome Ranma, I, almighty Zeus, the King of the entire Universe, do hereby decree that he shall be given twelve very difficult tasks to fulfill. Should he succeed in all twelve of these heavenly chores, I shall make Saotome Ranma a demigod. As the current demigod and representative of mankind to the Kami Plane, he shall enjoy an enormously long life. I shall also give him a place in the heavens once he eventually dies, provided he does something useful and sacred with that long life. Saotome Ranma," Zeus paused his speech for effect. "You have great expectations to live up to. Do your absolute best."

Ranma, contrary to everyone's expectations fell to his knees and put his forehead on the floor.

"O, mighty Zeus, Lord of the Universe, I am but an humble martial artist. I do not yet even have a license to teach my family's art. I shall be eternally grateful to you and all the other Kami who have honored me with this opportunity.

"The image of Zeus beamed at Ranma. "You are most welcome, Ranma."

"However, I beg that you forgive Tendou Nabiki for her alleged sins against the Kami. If necessary, I will meet any challenge you name to save her from the heavenly wrath about to be visited upon her."

"I am glad to hear you make such an offer, O Mighty Hero and Heroine," Zeus cried out between bursts of laughter. "Nabiki shall be given to you as an advisor. Should she give you good advice her and you follow it closely, thereby successfully completing the tasks soon to be set before you, your shall be her salvation or your failure her demise. Her fate is in the hands of you both. Her cunning and knowledge combined with your hard earned muscle and physical talent should prove to serve as a nearly perfect pairing for your tests."

Nabiki had planted her forehead on the floor just as the coruscations from the envelope started. She stayed in that humbled position. Zeus looked down on her and smiled.

"Take heart, Tendou Nabiki. Your cunning is far better than that of Odysseus. Your anger is as justified as that of Clytemnestra - may her soul rest in peace. You can give my son Apollo a run for his money when it comes to intellect. Your fate is in the safest hands I could ever hope to find. It is in _your_ hands, Tendou Nabiki. Take heart and hold yourself innocent that you may prove your worth."

This last statement was followed by the flash of more bright blue coruscations and that was followed by the sound of distant thunder. Ranma sat up, and looked around. He was surrounded by astonished members of his closest friends and his father. Akane was especially surprised. Nabiki remained prostrate, crying her eyes out.

"See? I toldja!" Ranma said as he looked Akane in the eye. "She really has been accused of hubris and sacrilege. Got anything you want to say now?"

"I'm sorry, Ranma," Akane said, "but you must admit that she made you a very sincere offer."

"Yes, she did," Ranma said, "but I thought of you and turned her down."

"This is not going to be like that time she took you as her fiancé, is it?" Akane asked.

"That's up to you, Akane," Ranma said. "All I can tell ya is that I am honor bound to marry you or one of your sisters."

"So, you don't really have any feelings for me," Akane said as she began to cry. "It's only about your family honor, isn't it?"

"What honor, Akane?" Ranma asked. He pointed at the now slumbering Genma, he and Soun had passed out right after Zeus appeared, and said, "How is there any honor to be had from a man who steals for a living and abandons his wife for ten years? You call that, honorable? What about _your_ dad, Akane? You and Nabiki were complainin' to him about what he ain't done for Kasumi right before I walked in here. Dontcha think that he comes up short in the honor department?"

Akane's face looked angry and she opened her mouth, but nothing came out of it.

"Oh, yes - I know - you just hate it whenever I'm right!" Ranma paused to inhale deeply through his nose. "You love playing the jealous girlfriend as well, I think. It seems to turn you own. What is it with you? Do you get off on the erotic pictures that flash through that ready-to-go-off brain of yours or what?"

Ranma had just said more to Akane than he had during any one conversation they had. Of course, she loved to beat on him and he hated letting her do it because he disliked pain, but he never failed to incite anger in Akane when they talked to each other, no matter how hard he tried to avoid it.

"Other girls rubbin' themselves on me probably makes you imagine things that you always feel guilty over, right? I mean, it must be like peaking over shoulder of one a them guys who reads x-rated manga on the train, right?"

"Oh, you son-of-a-bitch!" Akane shouted in a hurt and angry voice.

"Yeah, well, Mom ain't no prize either, is she?" Ranma said. "She still carries that sword around just in case I fail to be 'manly." How wouldju like it if your dad did that to you? Only, fer you, I figger it'd hafta be not 'womanly enough,' wouldn't it? I mean, you _do_ act like a tomboy almost _all_ the time."

Akane lunged at Ranma, but her punch failed to land. He ducked and dodged her assaults.

"Oh, come on, Akane! Surely ya know by now that when I'm pickin' on ya its for a reason!" Ranma said. He sounded amused and concerned at one and the same time.

"Well, here's picking on you,Ranma!" Akane shouted as she seized a flower vase and threw its contents at the aqua-transexual Saotome. The cold water invoked his curse, of course. He shook his now red head and gave his fiancée a knowing grin. "See? Gotcher blood up, didn't I?"

"You! You! You!" Akane shouted as she pressed her clinched fists on her hips.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're overwhelmed with your passion for me," Onna-Ranma said in a taunting voice. "Ya know why I like ya, Akane? 'Cause I figger you can do me more good as a woman than Kuno could ever do me as a man."

Akane's face turned a fiery red when she heard this. "You bastard!" She shouted.

"Nyah, nyah!" Onna-Ranma said. "Sticks and stones!"

Akane charged forward and seized Onna-Ranma about his waist. She threw him over her shoulder as though were merely a rug to be beaten and charged up the stairs.

"Hey!" Onna-Ranma shouted. "Where er you takin' me, Akane?"

"Someplace private so that we can work out our differences and not be overheard!" Akane shouted.

"So, you're gonna carry all the way to Mars on yer shoulder?" Onna-Ranma asked. A door then slammed and nothing more could be heard from either of them. 

* * *

Nabiki and Kasumi were still staring after them with their chins drifting around on the table top when Athena suddenly manifested herself in the middle of the chanoma of Tendou-ke.

"I trust that everyone here is happy to see me, right?" Athena asked.

Kasumi stared at her blonde hair and light blue-gray eyes, her bronze Grecian armor and smooth white cotton dress and nearly choked. Nabiki had planted her forehead on the tatami again, just as she had in the presence of Zeus.

Athena looked at Kasumi for a second and said, "Oh, my! You look as though you might have seen a demon, Tendou Kasumi-chan."

Kasumi's only response was to splutter incomprehensibly. Athena smiled and turned to Nabiki. "Must I remind you about how I feel about those who grovel before me, Tendou Nabiki?"

Nabiki sat up. "I'm sorry, but I just feel so inadequate. I mean, before yesterday, I did not believe in anything supernatural at all."

"Oh, really?" Athena said as she raised her left eyebrow. "You live with a person who has been cursed by a magical spring in China and you do not believe there is anything that is supernatural?"

"My reasoning suggests that the existence of a thing makes it perfectly natural," Nabiki said in a cold voice. "Otherwise, it would not exist at all. There is but one way for anything to exist."

"What does it mean to exist, then, Tendou-san?" Athena asked.

This caught Nabiki flatfooted. _What does it mean to exist, I wonder,_ she thought. "Now that I think about it, I haven't the slightest clue, O Goddess of Wisdom."

Athena smiled. "Two things grant natural existence," Athena said with a smile. "It must exist independently from the imagination of a mind or minds, and it must have enough characteristics to manifest itself to the senses in some way."

"That would seem to cover a great deal of ground, Athena-sama," Kasumi said.

Athena turned and walked toward Kasumi. "So you do not agree?" Athena asked before she got within arm's reach of Kasumi.

"No, I do not, agree, Athena-sama," Kasumi said. "I have never laid eyes on or heard the voice of Kami-sama, yet I still believe in His existence."

"Ah, yes! Jehovah's insistence on his believers having faith in naught but Him," Athena said with a sneer on her face and in her voice. "What do you believe about the Devil? Does He exist?"

"His work is all around us. I see it on a daily basis," Kasumi said.

"Oh, the works of the Devil, right!" Athena was clearly amused by Kasumi's answer. "But what of the Devil? Have you ever seen the Devil himself or heard His voice? Do you have any idea where the English word 'devil' comes from?"

"Not personally, no," Kasumi answered truthfully.

"Good for you!" Athena exclaimed. "Had you heard Him you would be insane and beyond my reach. It is like this, Tendou-san, all of civilization, good and bad together, is the creation of man. We Kami have no use for such stuff. We are deathless - beyond the reach of death. Being immortal gives us no reason to bother with moral behavior, let alone to build civilizations. After all, of what use is architecture to a being who is immune to bad weather? We just get on with our immortality as best we can - usually fighting off boredom. We often fight amongst ourselves just so we can avoid being bored."

Kasumi was now so astounded that she found herself unable to say a single word.

"Only you mortals have uses for morality and civilization," Athena said. "Not even your beloved Jehovah has need of such stuff. He's just another immortal being like Me."

"But - but - but -the first commandment says..."

"Thou shalt not have any other Gods before Me," Athena said, quoting Exodus 20:1. That verse in _your_ Bible makes no proclamation about the existence of other Kami though, does it? Believers in the existence of YHWH are forbidden to worship other Gods. That is all that verse means."

"He - He - He can't be so jealous and petty!" Kasumi exclaimed.

"Lah!" Athena said with a smile. "He is quoted as saying as much elsewhere in that Bible of yours, Tendou-san, Athena made a motion and suddenly a Bible was in her hands. She read from it aloud saying, "Deuteronomy 6 verses 14 and 15, 'Thou shalt not go after other Gods, of the other Gods of other people which _are_ round about you; For the Lord thy God is a jealous God among you.' Jehovah is a very jealous and petty God and, for a God, he is very foolish in My estimation."

"What happened, then?" Nabiki asked. "Why did Christianity, Islam and Judaism become some of the most dominant religions?"

"Mostly because we older Gods were out politicked by Jehovah," Athena answered, and because My Shit-daddy..." Athena paused at the sound of distant thunder..."got bored with humanity there for a long time. Hephaestus and I stuck around, but the other Gods followed Him off to soak up praise and sacrifices from races elsewhen and elsewhere."

"I'm surprised that you and Hephaestus haven't become a number over the millennia," Nabiki said. "Brains and industry? You two fit like gloves."

"When I stop to think about it, so am I," Athena said with a sheepish grin. Such a face looked odd on a Goddess. "You have to remember though, that Hephaestus and I both have very intensive fields responsibility. He is almost always beating on something with one of His hammers, and I am almost always working out new ways to do something and struggling to inspire humans to think before they act."

"Encouraging people to think before they act has _got_ to be a seriously labor intensive chore," Nabiki said. "I see them do unthinking stuff all the time."

"Hah! You should have to deal with being me on a Monday morning," Athena said with a rueful grin.

"I can just imagine," Nabiki said in a sadly reverent tone as she stared at the two passed out men in their late forties. "I have been struggling with people suffering Monday morning hangovers for the last two or three years."

"As have I, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi said.

"And here I thought that I had put you into a fatal tailspin, Tendou-san," Athena said looking at Kasumi wither brilliant grey eyes.

"With all due respect, Athena-sama, no," Kasumi said. "After I thought about it, I realized that nothing in contact with Earth can be completely pure or perfect. The Holy Bible is rife with creatures that appear to be immortal, but have nothing truly sacred about them."

"Perfection is a false standard. It is one of Plato's sicker illusions," Athena said, "but, you mean like demons and angels, right?"

"Yes, but no Gods," Kasumi said. "Just about the only thing the Bible says about Gods is to not worship any Kami but the 'one true God.' It does say that Kami-sama is both jealous and possessive and that He does not want us worshiping other Deities such as yourself, Athena-sama."

"And you are very devout follower of Jehovah and His Son, Jesus, Tendou-san," Athena said. "That is why you have not been charged with hubris and sacrilege the way your sister Nabiki has."

"So, if Gods other than Kami-sama exist, how did Christianity and Islam become so dominant?" Kasumi asked. "The overwhelming majority of Japanese were either worshippers of Shinto or followers of Buddha prior to World War Two."

Athena smiled as she sat down at the table and shoved her beautiful legs beneath it. "This is warm and comforting. I can understand why you Japanese like a kotatsu so much. Nabiki? Why don't you take a shot at answering this question. You were atheistic once."

"It almost certainly had to do with power and politics," Nabiki said. "It is far easier for politicians to share power with a single Deity than it is for them to share power with a large pantheon."

"Pray, do expand on why, this is so," Athena said.

"Well," Nabiki said, "here in Japan we have multiple religions. Japan has several epithets and one of those epithets is 'The Land of the Gods.' Only the United States has more religious beliefs than Japan, but the Americans are not nearly so tolerant as we are. We have Shinto as our native religion. Shinto itself has a practically infinite number of immortal beings in its pantheon, which is key to our religious nature overall, but then we imported Daoism and Buddhism and following those, the Portuguese brought Christianity to our shores. We Japanese have so many Kami to worship that their number no longer matters really. None of them have total sway over anything in Japanese society as a whole, save that Christianity has been slowly increasing its influence over the last several decades of the twentieth century."

"Please excuse me, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi said, "but that made matters about as clear as mud."

"You have to take into account the effects of a moderately large pantheon has on society, Kasumi-chan," Nabiki said. "With a mere twelve Gods and a body of followers for each, you get chaos, confusion and general discord. Each God or Goddess has His or Her particular feast days and special holidays. If enough people in a nation worship roughly the same set of Gods, you get a situation where all the work and all the business is constantly being interrupted by a religious duty or celebration of one sort or another."

"And your point is?" Kasumi asked.

"The point is that it is easier to have everyone in a country worshiping the same Kami - a _single_ God. The worship of just one Kami reduces the need for numerous and differing duties and ceremonies. Making laws under the alleged authority of a single God is much simpler than making laws with exceptions for conflicting beliefs among various followers. One Kami with a single theology makes for much simpler politics, which in turns makes it vastly easier to run a nation. We Japanese have many Kami, but only one set of religious practices along with a tolerance for the practices of other religions."

"That's so simplistic that it verges on mindlessness," Kasumi said.

"Occam's Razor, Big Sister," Nabiki said in answer.

"What Nabiki said is more or less the truth," Athena said. "It is far less complicated to rule over a people who celebrate a single religion than it is to rule over a people who worship a complicated pantheon such as ours. We Gods have far too many conflicts between us to ever support a peaceful population. Our very nature encourages strife and bloodshed."

Kasumi opened her mouth to speak, but Nabiki cut her off. "Careful, Kasumi-chan. You'll get shouted down by history and current events."

Kasumi put the back of her right hand to her forehead. She looked dizzy.

"The real solution," Athena said, "is to recognize that we Gods exist, but then for humans to hold their on against Us. Who are the Gods to bully humans, after all? Why are We privileged to support a lone psychopath against the well-educated and productive citizenry of an entire nation? If so, why? The mentally deranged are irrational by definition, and no one should follow the orders of an unstable sentient - not even a sentient who happens to be immortal. No one should be forced to act against his or her own judgement. Even if they are wrong, they should not be forced. No one can rightly force the mind of anyone - not even us Gods."

This lengthy statement was greeted with a respectful silence - save for the snores of the somnolent Soun and Genma. Kasumi glanced over at the two middle-aged men and shook her head, as though she had just looked upon something particularly odious. Nabiki merely sneered at them. Athena gazed at them fondly, as though the two of them were her children.

"They have done their modest best by you ladies Tendou," Athena said. "Do not begrudge them their tiny vanities. Just know in your heart that theirs is merely a puny little dream to be outdone by the three of you and Ranma-sama."

Nabiki gave Athena a grin. "You sound as though you have fallen for Ranma, Athena. Shall we add your name to the list of his suitors?"

"Of course I have, you silly woman childe," Athena said. "You have already been told as much. We Gods worship a man as brave as Saotome Ranma."

"Why?" Kasumi asked. "Why would beings so powerful and undying as you Kami be worshipful of a little boy?"

"Because he can die and We cannot, Tendou-san," Athena answered. "Courage for the immortals comes easily because We cannot die, but your Ranma must put his very life at risk every time he engages in a battle. You and your Ranma will eventually explore a part of reality that we Gods cannot and will never know, save for my Uncle Hades and his wife, Persephone. They rule over that particular portion of the Universe. It is walled off from the rest of Us."

"And why can't you visit that part of the Universe?" Kasumi asked.

"Because you must be dead to get there, Tendou-san," Athena said. Her eyes were lit with amusement. "We Gods cannot die."

Kasumi seemed satisfied by this answer, but Nabiki's face was riddled with doubt. Athena turned to face her.

"Tread carefully, Tendou Nabiki," Athena said. "Your little sister is much like Ranma in that she is beloved of more than a few Kami. Hera for one, is very fond of her, as is that lover of unmodified nature and virginity, Artemis, along her twin brother, Apollo. Enyo, Ares twin sister, is also fond of her. All of them are unforgiving and bloodthirsty. Treat your youngest sister with great respect. She will soon come into her own and she may or may not want to keep your beloved Ranma."

"So, there might well be a chance for me," Nabiki said.

"For you and Kasumi, Nabiki-chan," Athena said with a fond smile. "Even though your eldest sister is about to run off with My Cousin Hermes tomorrow."

"He's a Kami?" Kasumi shouted. "I'll never forgive him!"

"Tut, tut, Tendou-san," Athena said. "Your Bible says nothing about having a dalliance with a God, it just warns you not to worship any Kami but YHWH."

Kasumi and Nabiki alike sat there with their chins on the table until the manifestation of Athena suddenly vanished.

"Hermes?" Kasumi asked. "Hermes came here to deliver a messaged to you and Ranma? Really?"

"Well what did you expect, Kasumi-chan?" Nabiki asked in a dry voice. "He _is_ the Messenger of the Gods, after all. The Verdict of Heaven had to be delivered in some way."


	3. Chapter 3: Changes

**The Twelve Heavenly Chores of Saotome Ranma-sama**

 _Chapter 3: Changes_

Akane and Nabiki insisted on taking Kasumi out to the local for a bath and from there they would take Kasumi shopping for clothes. After a few minutes of faux protest, Kasumi agreed to go. She wanted to make a clean breast of everything prior to running off with a Kami like Hermes. Nihonjin are at their most honest once they have their clothes off and are in a nice comfortable furo full of other people.

Nerima-cho had but one small bath house owing largely to the predations of Happosai. It was old and tiny, so the ladies Tendou decided that they could and would find better over in Ikebukuro. They boarded a bus to go to the Seibu line station in Nerima.

The look on Soun's face as the three girls left chattering and giggling as though they were exotic birds with new feathers was priceless.

 _My eldest is about to date a Greek Kami?_ Soun's eyes suddenly burned with tears of - well - he did not know what it was that made him cry. _My saintly daughter is about to disappear with a Greek Kami with a less than stellar reputation, but_ _who am I, a man who's family name means "Heavenly Way, to defy a Kami, even if that Kami is part of the Greek pantheon. What can a mere mortal like me do? Would anyone have me dare to defy a God? It just isn't fair!_

Ranma knew exactly what to do. He called the Ucchan.

"Ucchan?" He said into the phone when she picked up and said, "Moshi-moshi!"

"Ran-chan?" Ukyou asked. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me, Ucchan," Ranma said.

"You haven't said a word to me since that silly wedding," Ukyou said. "I gave up on you."

"Yeah, I heard something 'bout that," Ranma said. "That's why I think it's safe ta call ya."

"Oh, really?" Ukyou said. "Safe for who, you?"

"Ya gotta help me, Ucchan," Ranma said. "We _are_ still friends, right?"

This was answered by a prolonged silence. "I don't know if Konatsu would approve, Ran-chan," Ukyou said. "I mean, I really had my entire life tied to your selfish ass."

"Yeah, well, its time ta let bygones be bygones," Ranma said. "For the longest I didn't know what ta do. Things just sorta worked out on their own."

Another prolonged silence ensued.

"What can I do for ya, Ran-chan," Ukyou asked in clipped tones. "I gotta boomin' business to run here."

"That's what I had in mind," Ranma said. "Think ya could whip up a half dozen Hiroshima style okonomiyaki for me?"

"What's the matter, Ran-chan? Akane cook again?"

"Nah, she went with Nabiki and Kasumi to Ikebukuro. They're goin' shoppin'."

"Oh, yeah!" Ukyou was enthused by the very mention of the place. "I hear that there's a new all girls sentou over there. I've been meaning to give it a try."

"Yeah, modern times change," Ranma said. He forced himself to grin so that Ukyou would hear it in his voice.

"Ever think about hiring on as a sansuke, there?" Ukyou asked. "I'm sure they'd hire a good lookin' guy like you for the ladies to ogle."

"Oh, I thought about hirin' on as a yuna, but you know me and water," Rama said, still grinning.

 _Gee, I hope she's still buyin' my act. There's so much bad blood between us this might all be for naught. We both need ta make peace with the past._

Ukyou burst out laughing, much to Ranma's relief.

"Yeah, I can just imagine you and cold water or you and hot water meeting up at just the wrong time in a sentou. Ya know ya gotta pay me now, right?"

"I wouldn't dream of moochin' off ya the way Shit-daddy and I used ta do, Ukyou," Ranma said with a shamed look on his face. He hoped that Ukyou could hear his shame, just as she heard a friendly grin in his voice earlier. How busy are ya tonight?"

"Like I said, business is booming," Ukyou said. "I could use someone here to chop cabbage once in a while. We go through a couple of truck loads of it a day."

"I can just imagine," Ranma said. "I'll talk to Tendou-san about that."

"What? You ain't gonna take it up with your old man?" Ukyou asked. "He's the one that really owes me, ya know."

"Yeah, well, you'll never get so much as a day's worth of real work outta him, Ukyou," Ranma said. The disgust in his voice was genuine. "'Sides, he and Mom aren't around here that much anymore."

"Yeah, I heard that Kasumi finally put her foot down about them hangin' around in her house," Ukyou said. "Where'd they go?"

"Shit-daddy finally got off his sorry ass and rebuilt that house that you, Kodachi and Shampoo tore to tatters. Where there's a sharp blade there's a _way_."

"Yeah, well, he deserves that, doesn't he?" Ukyou said. "I'll write that off as the interest he owes me for Dad's old yatai. He _still_ owes me the principle."

"Listen, have ya got the time to whip up a half dozen Hiroshima style okonomiyaki?"

"Hiroshima style?" Ukyou asked. "You know I'll hafta make a batter just for them, right?"

"I didn't realize that there was a style of okonomiyaki you didn't know how to make, Ucchan."

Ukyou growled. "The things I do for you! There just ain't no justice! The Kami hate me!"

Ranma bit back his urge to caution Ukyou about talking about the Kami. "I'll pay full price and then some. Name your price."

"No kidding, cash, right?" Ukyou asked. "I usually force bums like you to show me their money before I lift a finger for 'em."

Ranma heaved a heavy sigh. "How much, Ukyou?"

"I'll tell ya what, Ran-chan, you order ten of 'em and pay me a thousand yen each for 'em and I'll make the batter," Ukyou said in a voice that would have made the Antarctic look seem like a balmy resort. "Otherwise, go whistle for yer okonomiyaki."

"Deal!" Ranma said. "It'll be worth it."

"Plus, you gotta pay the delivery boy," Ukyou said. "He doesn't work for free and I won't pay him to deliver squat to you or yours."

"What will he charge me?" Ranma asked.

"He gets twenty-five percent of the order price," Ukyou said. Her voice still held the chill of Antarctic snows.

Ranma checked his pants pocket. He had just been paid for recovering a car from a deadbeat. He was flush, but was not quite in the habit of actually having money in his pockets. _Let's see, I got 25,000 yen. That's plenty._

"Still a deal, Ukyou."

"Cash?" Ukyou asked. "None of your worthless IOUs this time?"

"Cash," Ranma said. "I got 25,000 yen on me."

"They'll be there in an hour, Ranma-chan," Ukyou said. Her voice was just a wee bit warmer; it felt as though it had come from Hokkaido this time rather than the South Pole.

"We'll be waitin' on him," Ranma said.

"Yeah, well, you _deserve_ Akane, you know."

 _Man! I thought I'd never hear her say that,_ Ranma thought. _She and Konatsu must be really gettin' it on._ He was careful to make no sign of how pleased he was to creep into his voice.

He opened his mouth to speak, but heard something in the background say, "Wong!"

"Oh! 'Natsu-honey, wouldja put out the scraps for him, please?"

"Sure, Ukyou-sama." Ranma could hear the male kunnoichi's reply in the background.

"Who's him?" Ranma asked. "That guy made chills run up my back."

"It's not a person, silly," Ukyou said. "It's Nerima's new boss alley cat. I call him Mougyuuneko. He kills all the rats and keeps all other doraneko away from this place - as well as several of the nearby yatai."

"Why do ya call it _that_?" Ranma all but shrieked.

"Well, that's just the impression he gave me when we met," Ukyou said. "If you weren't so afraid of cats you'd probably like him."

"Not a chance, Ucchan!"

"He even understands human speech, I think," Ukyou said with genuine amusement in her voice. "Or at least he acts that way. I even thought about beating him with your picture before inviting you over a couple of times," Ukyou said, "but I don't think he'd hang around if I did. He has very strong likes and dislikes. I have lost more than one customer because of him. Found out later that they were Yakuza."

"See? I got good reason to fear those...those... things!"

"Oh, tell me about it!" Ukyou said. "Mougyuuneko is the reason the Amazons sold the Neko Hanten and went back to China."

Ranma felt a powerful surge in his stomach followed by a tingling on his cheeks. _She's gone? He thought. The Old Ghoul and Shampoo are really gone? That's just way too good to be true!_

"Why do you think that this...this... _thing_ is responsible for them goin' outta business?"

"From what I heard, Mougyuuneko attacked everyone coming and going from the place," Ukyou said. Ranma could hear the chortling joy in Ukyou's voice. "He became a one cat plague for the Amazons. Cologne just all of sudden put the place up for sale and sent Shampoo and Mousse back to the Bayankala range."

Ranma said nothing. He could not think of a single word to say.

"Ran-chan? You still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Ranma said. "I'm just speechless is all."

"I can just imagine, Sugar," Ukyou said. "Poor little Ran-chan. Can't stand money and he can't stand pussy. Ain't that a shame?"

"Aw, now you're just bein' mean ta me, Ukyou!"

"Damned right I am, Ranma!" Ukyou shouted. "Do you have any idea how many nights I cried myself to sleep over your worthless ass? Do you?"

"No, but it must've been a lot," Ranma said in a faint voice.

"Damned right there were lots of 'em, you aho!" Ukyou shouted.

Ranma could hear tears welling up in his old friend's voice, but he hardened his heart against her.

 _I haven't trained this hard just become a cabbage chopper for an okonomiyaki cook,_ Ranma thought. _I just ain't gonna go there!_ _I'm a martial artist and iffen it don't involve fighting I ain't interested._

"I don't think that I have anything else to say to you right now. See ya, Ran-chan," Ukyou said. "Have the cash ready. I'm gonna tell the delivery boy to bring these fancy okonomiyaki back if you don't have it."

"Oh, I got it, Ucchan. I swear!"

"Bye, Ran-chan!" Click.

Ranma set the handset back into its cradle with a quivering hand. He then realized that his shirt was completely soaked through with sweat.

 _Dammit! I sure hope she gets over this bullshit,_ Ranma thought. _I'd hate to lose my best friend just because Shit-daddy likes to cheat cooks and restaurant owners like the Kuonji. I wonder why he hates them so much? They fed us for nothing most of the time we knew them. For that matter, I wonder why Tendou-san even likes his big chunky ass. It's not as though they have all that much in common other than Happosai._

Ranma's brain raced to yet another unexpected insight. It was like discovery where a vital piece of a puzzle went.

 _Oh, right, Happosai!_ He thought. _They must have bonded because he heaped all of his shit on 'em. That doesn't mean that Pops would never cross Tendou-san - then again - I wouldn't put it past Tendou to do something horrible to Shit-daddy either. They must've declared a truce a long time ago for some really good reason. Maybe it was because they made a sincere try at killin' Happosai. Who knows? What ever happened, its up ta me and Akane ta deal with it now._

He walked back into the chanoma and sat down. His father was trying to poke enough sake down Soun's throat to make him forget about what his darling Saint Kasumi had decided to do.

 _I don't really blame Soun for being upset,_ Ranma thought _It upsets me as well, but then I never really and truly believed in anything like the Greek Pantheon. I_ _had been pretty iffy about the Gods of the Japanese_ _Pantheon until I met up with the Phoenix People and Saffron. Even after I defeated Saffron I didn't get it through my head that the Gods were real. Why would I have considered the Greek Pantheon to anything more than a myth? I was as shocked as Nabiki was when They turned out to be real._

 _I gotta find out if I can talk to this Kami-sama Kasumi holds so much regard for,_ Ranma thought. _He has got to be the trickiest of all the Kami. He figured out a way to make all the other immortals disappear. I think I could learn a thing or two from a God like Him. Now that I know that He's real, I'll make it one of my chores to meet 'im._

Soun stopped blubbering, so Genma touched the sake bottle to his lips. Soun took a long pull off the bottle then went back to crying. This went on for another hour, making it difficult for Ranma to actually think anything trough. Then came a ring at the front gate. Ranma got to his feet.

"That'll be lunch at the gate," Ranma said. "Try not to drink so much that you can't eat. I'll be right back."

Genma put down the bottle of sake and wiped at his mouth with the sleeve of his gee. "Sure thing, boy. What did you order anyway?"

"Okonomiyaki," Ranma said over his shoulder. "Hiroshima style."

"And, I suppose, you are going to pay Ukyou for it?"

"Yes, I am, _Shit-daddy!_ "

"Careful how you talk ta me, boy!"

"Why should I?" Ranma asked. "I got no respect for you - not after that shit you pulled in China this last time. And what you and Akane's dad here pulled on us was even worse."

"Boy, you don't know who you're messin' with! I could..."

"You could what, Pop?" Ranma asked as he turned to face his father; his eyes were hard and lit with dire threats. "You gonna kill me so that you can start over? Better'n you have already tried to kill me, but I'm still here. 'Sides, I'm your meal ticket, remember?"

Genma scowled at his son, but said nothing more. He did not like it when Ranma started playing trumps. Ranma had defeated him out of hand more than once in a straight up fight, and then had gone on to prove that he could be even more of a sneak. There was but little love left between Ranma and his father, and for good reason. The only reason Genma was still alive was because Ranma realized that Genma was his true mentor.

Genma had hammered on Ranma since his early childhood to fashion him into the martial artist he is now. Ranma shuddered to think how the battles in China might have turned out had Genma done one thing less to toughen him up. The only thing that Genma had done wrong was to make a play for the non-existent Tendou fortune. Genma had used Ranma one time too many for financial gain.

"Tell me the truth, boy," Genma said. "You were behind Kasumi putting her foot down, right?"

"Nah, she did that on her own," Ranma said. "I just did nothing and watched her do it is all. You owed Mom a house after all those years you and I stayed on the road. Plus, I had those fiancées because of you, you evil old fart."

"Oh, come on, boy!" Genma shouted. "That shoulda made ya happy! Havin' beautiful girls chasin' ya around? You are either an okama or an ingrate. I'm not sure which is worse."

"Genma!" Soun shouted. "Go easy, man. He's your son, for crying out loud." Then Soun lapsed back into his crying jag, leaving both Genma and Ranma staring at him with embarrassed looks on their faces.

"I'm going to remember that okama crack, you old bastard!" Ranma said to Genma in a fierce whisper. This actually frightened the redoubtable elder Saotome and Ranma took due notice. Then came another ring at the front gate.

"I gotta go get the okonomiyaki before it gets cold," Ranma said. "Don't give Tendou-san any more to drink until I get back with it. He needs food more than he needs alcohol."

"Yes, master Ranma-sama." Genma mockingly bowed entirely too low. "Whatever your command, Ranma-sama."

"Oh, stick a sock in it, Pop!"

* * *

Konatsu patiently waited for Ranma to open the gate. After he thought he had given Ranma more than enough time to show up, he rang the bell again. Konatsu had elected to deliver the okonomiyaki and leave the delivery boy at the Ucchan to help Ukyou with the crowd so that he could talk to this rather dangerous martial artist.

 _I'm not afraid of Ranma,_ Konatsu thought. _He's only dangerous when he is provoked and it takes a lot to anger him. Besides, I've stalked him and could have killed him many times by now. I just want to prevent any trouble between Ukyou and Akane. I haven't met with him or Akane since Ukyou helped Shampoo trash Akane's wedding. We owe them a sincere apology, but Ukyou insists on_ _playing_ _the_ _bitch._

The door in the gate opened with a loud creak revealing a preoccupied Ranma.

"Oh! She sent you instead of your delivery guy. How's it been, Kenzan-kun?"

"It has been heavenly, Saotome-sama," Konatsu answered. "Thank you for asking."

"I - uh - No problem, Kenzan-kun," Ranma said, clearly embarrassed.

"I thought that business had gotten so good that you guys were hiring part timers to deliver."

"We have, but I wanted to speak with you personally, Saotome-sama," Konatsu said. "Can we talk?"

"Sure, but the okonomiyaki is getting' cold," Ranma said. "Why don't we take it inside and talk?"

"Can we speak alone if I go with you?"

"Sure! Akane and her sisters have gone out to spend the evening in Ikebukuro. Nabiki told me that they were going to splurge on all kinds of stuff."

"Is your mother here?" Konatsu asked. _It simply will not do to have Nodoka hovering about with that katana of hers. I could not be frank with Ranma with her around and armed._

"Nah, its just me and the two old farts here and they're fast gettin' drunk."

Konatsu felt his face break out into a sunny smile. "Here take these five, Ranma. I'll bring the other five."

They left the delivery scooter out on the curb and went inside Tendo-ke. After they had given half the okonomiyaki to the two middle aged men, neither of whom were happy to see Konatsu let alone the okonomiyaki. They were busy trying to get drunk and did not really want to eat, but now that it was in front of them, they had no other choice. They had to drink their sake and eat at the same time.

Konatsu put on his prettiest and most subservient smile and bowed very low to them as they tore open the boxes and started eating.

Ranma motioned for Konatsu to follow and he fell in behind Ranma. They sat down in the dojo and Ranma tore into one of the okonomiyaki. He had offered Konatsu one, but Konatsu refused it.

"I think that Ukyou and I owe you and Akane an apology..."

"For what?" Ranma asked. "You don't owe us any such thing. Shit-daddy did Ucchan's family wrong, and you never did anything other than stay out the way at that botched wedding of ours."

"So, you're not angry with us?"

"No!" Ranma said. "I mean, my shitty old man scammed her stupid old man back when we were kids. We ain't ever tried to pay her back for that yatai or nothin' so, yeah, she had reason to be angry with us. Shampoo, though is whole 'nother thing. I dread the day I see her again. I might do something that I'll live to regret."

"I think that you have been freed from her claim on you, Ranma," Konatsu said.

"Yeah, Ukyou told me on the phone that some doraneko had driven off so many of their customers that Cologne threw in the towel and returned to China."

"It did not happen like that. Ukyou repeated my lies. All she knows about the Amazons is what I told her and none of it is true."

Ranma gave Konatsu a long puzzled stare.

"What really happened is that our new doraneko, Ukyou-sama calls him Mougyuuneko, mated with Shampoo's cursed form," Konatsu said.

Ranma dropped his okonomiyaki. "She what?"

"They rubbed noses and then she - ah - How can I put this? Shampoo invited him to hump her. You know how cats do that. She crouched and threw her tail to one side. She seemed to have enjoyed the whole thing."

Ranma's jaw sagged until his chin touched his lap, then he recovered.

"You _watched_ this happen?"

"Yes," Konatsu said. "Mougyuuneko is very fierce and extremely intelligent. When Shampoo and Cologne left for China, they took a basket of purple and pink striped kittens with her."

Ranma clapped his hands to both sides of his head so hard that it made Konatsu wince. _That had to have really hurt,_ Konatsu thought. _He'll know how hard he just hit himself soon._

But at that moment, Ranma took no notice of his pain. He was staring in open mouthed horror at something in the distance.

"Ranma? Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm - here - it's just that - I dunno - I got the same sorta curse and she - in her cursed form - got pregnant?"

"It would seem so," Konatsu said in the most reassuring voice he could muster. "She and her great grandmother left with a basket of kittens. They looked very much as though they were a cross between her cursed form and that of Mougyuuneko."

Ranma shuddered as though he were in acute pain.

 _Ranma's clearly in agony over this,_ Konatsu thought. _He looks as though someone doused him unexpectedly with a bucket of ice water. Surely he doesn't have any feelings for that witch from China! She's beautiful all right, but she's_ _as_ _selfish and_ _dangerous_ _as anyone can get._

"I'm sorry if you had feelings for Shampoo, but..."

"The only feelings I ever had for Shampoo and her Shit-granny was fear and loathing!" Ranma exclaimed, "And that only became worse after what Shampoo did in China this last time."

"Why? She's a lovely girl and her great grandmother taught you some rather invaluable skills..."

"You don't get it, man!" Ranma shouted. "They want me to be some kind of enslaved gladiator or sumthin' - a stud, maybe. Shampoo never had any real feelin's for me. What wasn't for show was just simple lust. She wanted me to be one of her prizes, that's all."

"What did Cologne want?"

"She wanted what was best for Shampoo!" Ranma shouted. "I only mattered because I whipped Shampoo in a fair fight in public with their whole village watching. Otherwise, they'd a never come ta Japan at all."

"So, I don't understand why your upset about Shampoo yielding to Mougyuuneko."

"'Cause I got the same kinda curse and she got pregnant in her cursed form, that's why."

"Wait, you've been having sex with someone in your cursed form?"

"Yeah," Ranma said, looking sheepish and embarrassed. "Just don't tell anybody, okay?"

"With whom, if you don't mind my asking."

"With who d'ya think? Akane!"

"Akane can't turn into a guy, can she? Did she fall into the spring of drowned man while you guys were in China?"

"Na, we've been having sex while we're both girls," Ranma said looking worried sick. "I don't know what I'll do now."

Konatsu could just barely hold back his laughter. "So you're worried that one or both of you are now pregnant, am I right?"

Ranma nodded his head.

Konatsu burst out into raucous laughter. Ranma looked embarrassed and angry.

"You don't really know anything about sex, do you?" Konatsu choked out between guffaws.

"Ah, no only what I've learned by peeking over the shoulders of those guys that read dirty manga on the trains. Sometimes they look at me when I'm a girl the same way they stare at those damned books. Sometimes they do more than that and I always hurt 'em. I lost count of how many of their goddammed fingers I've broken riding trains in my cursed form."

Konatsu was unable to contain his laughter again. "That is not the way to learn about having sex and making babies, Ranma-sama."

"Oh, yeah?" Ranma was truly puzzled. "Howd'ya mean?"

"I mean that the focus of pornography is not exactly on family planning," Konatsu said. "It's intended to arouse a person so that they will want to have sex. Having babies is the last thing a consumer of pornography wants - at least usually."

"But me and Akane - we...Oh, that felt so good!"

"It was completely harmless, Ranma."

"Huh? Whaddaya mean harmless? Anything that felt that good hasta have a price, right?"

Konatsu giggled at Ranma then burst out laughing again.

"Do you know what sperm is?"

"Ain't it that slippery white shit ya squirt when ya..."

"That's semen, Saotome-sama. It has your sperm in it," Konatsu said, cutting Ranma off before he could embarrass them both.

"What about it?"

"You have to squirt that inside of a girl before she can get pregnant. The same's true for all mammals, not just humans," Konatsu said. He stared at Ranma for a moment with a puzzled frown on his face. "Say, neither your father nor your mother ever discussed this with you, did they?"

Ranma silently shook his head and Konatsu joined him for a couple of shakes.

"You just need to know that two girls making each other have an orgasm will not make either of them pregnant. Only by having an orgasm while you are inside her as a guy will do that. No sperm, no baby."

Ranma stared off into space for a moment. "No wonder Akane insisted on..."

"Yeah, well, she likely learned about sex and having babies from a book she got from Tofu or the school or something," Konatsu said, "Or Kasumi had _the_ talk with her. Either way, she knows more about it than you do."

"I'm just hoping' that the usual rules apply to Jusenkyou victims like me - and - and..."

"I'm fairly certain that they do, Ranma-sama," Konatsu said. "You don't mind if I call you that, do you?"

"You don't hafta be formal with me, Kenzan-kun. We've been buddies for more than a year now."

"Thank you, Ranma-kun," Konatsu said. "It's good to know that I have another close friend."

"No problem, Kenzan-kun," Ranma said. "Dya mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"Ask anything you want, Ranma-kun," Konatsu said. "You just told me me some things I'm sure you don't want getting around."

"Yeah, I have, haven't I? Have you and Ucchan - have you - ah..."

"Have we been having sex?" Konatsu asked.

"Yeah."

"She got drunk the night she helped to destroy your wedding," Konatsu said. "She was staggering around the restaurant making a spectacle of herself. Matters got so bad that all the customers left from embarrassment."

Konatsu paused to heave a sigh.

"She finally got so drunk that she couldn't stand up without hanging on to something, so I grabbed her and carried her up to the living quarters on the second floor..."

"So, you took..."

"No, not really," Konatsu said. "She kept getting drunk every night and I kept carrying her up to her bed. One night, several weeks later, she pulled me into bed with her. She was just using me as a comforter, I know, but that has slowly changed just during these last few months. She is falling in love with me a little more each day, now."

"That's pretty much how things got started between me and Akane," Ranma said. "Lucky for us, I was a girl at the time."

Konatsu laughed out loud one more time and clapped Ranma on the shoulder. "I am very happy for you both, but it's time I got back to the Ucchan. Ukyou-sama was trying to survive the evening rush when I left that kid there to help her keep up."

Ranma responded by clapping a hand on Konatsu's shoulder. "Good luck, man. I really and truly wish the two of you well."

"Thanks, Saotome-kun."

"You're welcome, Konatsu-kun."

* * *

Akane, Nabiki and Kasumi caught the bus near Tendou-ke and road it to the Shakujikouen Rail station where they caught the Seibu train, one of the newer 4000 series, to Ikebukuro. The train was only about a year old and it still smelled new. They selected a four seat section with two seats facing each other. Akane and Kasumi sat on one side with Nabiki sitting alone on one of the opposite seats facing them. Nabiki had sat down with her back to the direction of travel which, Akane thought, was likely the safest way to travel on any vehicle. Talking on buses and trains in Japan is frowned upon and the Tendou ladies scrupulously observed Japanese etiquette. This gave Akane entirely too much time to think.

Observed from the train, Japanese railways look as though they were tunneled through a forest of buildings and the structural steel placed to support the electrical lines slung over the tracks to supply the trains with power. Akane stared out the window at the passing tangle of structural steel and buildings with deep resentment in her heart.

 _I_ _hate the mundane things in the world,_ she thought, _n_ _ot because_ _I_ _find_ _them boring, but because they_ _are_ _so intolerably deceptive._ _What I can see is not reality. What I see as solid is just delusion. There is always something extra lurking just out of sight.  
_

"What's the matter, Little Sister," Nabiki asked, breaking into Akane's morose revelry. "You're staring out the window as though Shampoo were standing out there taunting you."

Akane gritted her teeth. She did that a lot. It just came to her naturally as though she were meant to do it. It was what would be called a reflex, but now Akane knew that there was good reason for it.

"I just wish that was so, Nabiki!" Akane said in a barking voice. "I'd love it if it were so simple."

Akane suddenly found both of her elder sisters staring at her as though they were worried about her sanity. She did not blame them. She was worried about that herself.

"Things have been wrong ever since we got back from China," Akane said.

"What do you mean, Akane?" Nabiki asked in a soft careful voice.

"I keep seeing things," Akane said in an irritated voice. "Nothing ever looks quite right and when it looks perfectly normal like it does right now, I know it isn't complete."

The sounds of the rolling train prevented the formation of an oppressive silence: the clack of its wheels on the track, the squeal of them when the train negotiated a curve, the delicate tinkle of its alarm sounds, Akane could feel it as much as she could hear it. It was as sticky and as strange as all the other sensations she had been experiencing since her return home from China.

"What have you been seeing, Akane?" Kasumi asked.

"The real you, for starters, Kasumi," Akane said and she meant it. "Not the ever so solicitous motherly you, but the real impish you that takes such hearty relish in being alive. I think that must have been the way you behaved before Mother died."

This took Kasumi aback and she fell into silence. Akane turned her head so that she could see Nabiki and said, "And you all but disappear at times. Sometimes you are nearly transparent, as though you were a ghost. Kasumi doesn't see you at all when you're that way."

Nabiki looked shocked at first, but then she looked as though she had just had a revelation, telling Akane that her observations were accurate.

"Whenever I look at Ranma in his natural form, I can see his girl half hanging around him," Akane said. "Most of the time she's transparent, but sometimes she's nearly solid. She stands around like girl. She walks like a girl. You would never think that she is connected to Ranma in anyway, but she has him as her origin. She loves to flirt with people."

"What about when he's in his cursed form?" Nabiki asked.

"When he's a she, I can see him the same way, only he's never quite transparent enough to see all the way through. He's even more manly as a youkai."

"What happened to you while you were over there, Akane?" Kasumi asked.

Akane drew in a deep breath and exhaled before she answered. "The Phoenix People dug a new pool at Jusenkyou. They threw me into it right after it filled with water. I drowned there."

Nabiki leaned forward and placed her right hand on Akane's knee.

"You did not drown, Akane," Nabiki said. "Feel my hand? You're right here in front of me. You are not a ghost!"

"You know what a hammer I am, Nabiki!" Akane said in a voice that reflected her horror. "I went straight to the bottom of that pool and thrashed about until I drowned. I remember it as though it happened five minutes ago. That was the very worst experience of my entire life."

Now, Kasumi and Nabiki both stared at her horror struck.

"I woke up later in a jail cell inside Mount Phoenix," Akane said in distant voice. "They must have carried my body away after I drowned. I was cold, but dry and they had locked the door. I had to stay there for days until I got mad enough to pull on the door so hard that its lock broke. I wish you could have seen the faces on those guards when that door slid open. It was almost funny. I would have laughed if I hadn't been so desperate to escape."

As the train rumbled and clacked on, Akane noticed a youkai rubbing her ankles. It had once been a piggy bank. I reminded her of P-Chan so much that she giggled at it. She opened her purse and took out a one yen coin, which were still made of aluminum in those days, and dropped it into the slot on the little youkai's back. It squealed and danced away down the aisle.

Kasumi and Nabiki both stared in a mix of amazement and horror.

"What did you just do, Akane?" Kasumi asked.

"Yeah, where'd that coin go?" Nabiki asked.

"Oh, I gave it a youkai piggy bank," Akane answered. "It was so thrilled that it ran off. It'll be back here in a minute with many others."

"Old piggy banks?" Nabiki asked in a dry voice that screamed her doubts at Akane.

"No, silly!" Akane answered. "It will be a variety of them. I'll probably have to give in and go with them. They always drag me off somewhere strange when I give in and take notice of one of them."

"Where will they drag you off to, Akane?" Kasumi now looked frightened.

"I don't know, Kasumi," Akane said. "It's always different. Sometimes it's an old timey village as though the youkai took me back in time; other times the place looks contemporary, just like everything does now. Sometimes the place is so weird that I can't even begin to describe it. I never know what it'll be until I get there with them."

Both Kasumi and Nabiki stared at Akane as though she had suddenly sprouted a spare head from an extra neck. Akane felt her lips twitch as she stifled verbal response that would have offended them. _My misery isn't their fault,_ Akane reminded herself, _and it's hard for even me to understand. I shouldn't punish my sisters for it._

Then suddenly she heard the sharp plaintive notes of a ryuuteki, a dragon type flute, that was almost immediately followed by the even more plaintive and haunting chords of the shou. The music playing was the gagaku music that was always played as the bride entered her wedding ceremony at a Shinto shrine. The space around the three girls was now crowded with youkai, most of them were based on various kinds of bamboo lanterns, but there were many based on traditional musical instruments as well. Akane got to her feet, swaying slightly as the train rounded another curve.

"I know you cannot hear the music," Akane said to her now befuddled sisters, "but the youkai want me to attend a wedding between foxes. I'm sure that there will be both rain and sunshine at the same time where we are about to go. You two go have a good time. I'll meet you back at the house."

Before either of them could raise a protest, Akane turned and walked down the length of the car surrounded by the collection of youkai. After the fourth or fifth step they were in the wedding procession and the train was no longer there for her.

Kasumi and Nabiki stared at the departing back of their little sister and gasped as she got smaller and smaller with each step until she simply disappeared. The other passengers were staring in horror as well. Nearly all of them gave Kasumi and Nabiki hard stares before withdrawing into themselves. Nabiki heard one of them mutter, "Serves them right for talking on the train." She and Kasumi burst out laughing and crying at one and the same time.

"Do you think that she will really meet us at home?" Kasumi asked.

"Kasumi, a cat could play the fiddle and a cow could jump over the moon right now and it would not surprise me one bit," Nabiki said. Then she had another thought. Some details that had been nagging at her for years suddenly clicked into place in her head.

"Do me a favor, Big Sister," Nabiki said in a dire voice. "The next time you see P-Chan, try to pour hot water on him before Akane sees him."

"P-Chan?" Kasumi asked. "Why?"

"He's a random return piglet," Nabiki said. "Just as Ryoga is the random return boy. P-Chan wears a yellow and black tiger striped collar while Ryoga wears a yellow and black tiger striped bandanna."

Kasumi gasped and clapped a hand to her mouth. "Kuso uso!"

"Yeah, shitty lie indeed," Nabiki said. "It is beyond me why I didn't realize that Ryoga had a Jusenkyou curse two days after he showed up."

"Do you have any idea what Akane will do to Ranma when finds out about Ryoga?" Kasumi asked.

"Serve him roast pork with garlic and jalapeños?" Nabiki asked with a nasty grin. Kasumi looked nauseated so Nabiki tried another pepper on her. "Roasted piglet with garlic and habañeros, maybe?"

"Gack!" Kasumi choked out. "You say the awfullest things, Nabiki!"

"Well, it is a rather awful situation, isn't it?"

Kasumi rubbed her forehead as she teared up. "Something truly terrible happened to Akane and Ranma in China, Nabiki. They won't talk about it in any detail and neither of them has been the same since they got back."

"They got much worse after that disastrous wedding that Dad and Unka Saotome insisted on," Nabiki said with a derisive snort. "Two grown men who think that they have to knock out their meal ticket before he'll marry the woman he's in love with? Talk about silly old farts!"

"And Auntie Nodoka going right along with them brandishing that awful katana she carries all the time," Kasumi said. "I can't believe that she is willing to kill her only son. The woman's a complete lunatic."

"Well, look at it this way, Sis, you're about to free of us all," Nabiki said. "There's no telling when Hermes will bring you back. Akane's right about you, you know. This is the kind of decision you would have made before Mom died."

"Maybe, I - I - I don't know," Kasumi said. "I think I just suddenly realized that it was time for me to move on out of here, you know? I mean you and Akane are nearly out of school now, and - and-"

"And Daddy has never done a thing about finding you a husband," Nabiki said. "He's such a traditionalist that he should have done something about you long before now. It's an insult."

"Oh, please don't speak of Father, Little Sister," Kasumi said. "It upsets me."

The brakes squealed and the train made the usual bumping noises and the alarm sounds went off as the train pulled into Ikebukuro station. The station at that time was but a covered platform and they found themselves blinking in the bright sunlight as they exited the car.

"Let's go to the Dandelion and get a bowl of ramen," Nabiki said. "Then we'll go to a fine store and get you some new clothing, Kasumi."

"I don't really need any..."

"Oh, bother!" Nabiki shouted cutting Kasumi's protests off. "You've been wearing Mother's old dresses for years now. It's way past time for you to have some finery of your own."

"What sort of place is this ramen shop?" Kasumi asked in her gentle voice. "Is it any good?"

"It is owned and operated by a woman," Nabiki said with a gleam in her eye, "for women. You'll love it. It's just across the street from this platform."

"I hope Akane will be all right," Kasumi said. Her voice sounded plaintive.

"She'll be fine," Nabiki said. "Let's just go eat now, okay?"

"I hope you're right, Nabiki."

"I am. I'm certain of it. Akane has been fighting her way through all kinds of things for years now. I'm pretty sure she can hold her own with even Ranma, to tell you the truth."

"Ranma?" Kasumi asked in an alarmed voice. "Whatever would make you even think such a thing?"

"I just know, okay, Kasumi? I have been watching the two of them since that damned wedding and things have very seriously changed. Akane has her own adventure to live through. Now, its time for you and me to eat."


	4. Chapter 4: Akane's Unexpected Adventure

**The Twelve Heavenly Chores of Saotome Ranma**

 _Chapter 4: Akane's Unexpected Adventure_

Akane sat down heavily on a hexagonal stump of basalt rock and surveyed her surroundings. The youkai had led her to a wedding of foxes just as she had expected, but once she arrived, every participant in the wedding kept waiving her away and pointing downhill to the thick stand of sugi she had just stumbled out of.

This place, an old growth forest, was in its early summer season. The trees were so tall and so big around that walking on the forest floor was much like blundering about on the bottom of the sea. The dim green rays of light were punctuated with the flashes of innumerable fireflies.

Rather than the luminescent yellowish-green she was accustomed to, these fireflies also flashed pale reds, sharp blues and pure yellows as well as the bright yellowish-green of the fireflies she had grown up with in Nerima.

 _The fireflies are distracting me from what I need to do,_ Akane thought. She shook her head in an effort to clear her thoughts. _Gotta focus. I'm sitting in this clearing where the soil is too thin to support the trees. There is this long skinny field of basalt stumps sticking up across the slope. Even so, the tall trees have this placed trapped in a deep shadow. There's slick moss growing on the basalt, so I need to find another rout. It's too risky to cross this Devil's post pile. I'm by myself and who knows who or what might find me if I slip and injure a leg or an arm. There are youkai that will readily eat an injured human. More than a few of them have threatened to eat my flesh and not kill me first._

Akane tried to suppress a shudder and failed. Not only was she frightened, but her tramp through the dripping giant cryptomeria forest had soaked her clothing to her skin.

She leaned over to her left so that she could scratch her right buttock.

"Gotta get a backpack to carry for these kinds of unexpected jaunts," she muttered to herself as she leaned over to her right so that she could scratch her other cheek. "I'd give anything for a dry towel. Now I know how Ranma must've felt living on the road for ten years; no change of clothes; no hot meals unless you build a fire; constant cold or constant heat. There's just no way to travel this way and be comfortable."

 _And no way to preserve your clothing, either,_ Akane thought. _This day dress is in tatters. I'll never wear it again. I'll be lucky if I have anything at all on by the time I get back to Nerima._

This led her to ponder other possibilities, even as it reminded her of all the times that Ranma had been trapped in a battle while in his girl form. He often had to fight with too few or no clothes on, but he never let that distract him from the fight.

 _I wonder what he would think if I stumbled through the gate as naked as he has several times? He'd probably laugh and then give me a pinch or a sly rub somewhere embarrassing. He loves staring at my naked body, even though that's not commonly known just yet._

Thinking about the nights that they had spent in her room as girls made her already stiff nipples crinkle a little tighter.

"Don't go there, Akane!" She said out loud. "They'll get chapped. It's bad enough to be wearing wet clothing in tatters, let alone having sore nips."

She tried in vain to suppress another shudder and then found herself trying to keep her jaws from chattering.

"Body temperature's low," Akane muttered. "There just isn't enough sun at the bottom of this deep old forest."

 _Why did I follow those youkai on the train?_ Akane asked herself. _The wedding the youkai led me to wasn't for me or any of my family. The foxes did not want me there. Everyone simply ignored me. I was completely out of place there. Why did I come? It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I can see that it wasn't. I am so-oo stupid sometimes. Now I am lost, wet and cold. I could die from exposure here and no one would ever find my body. Worse, I am completely on my own. There is no way that Ranma will ever be able to find me._

Hot tears welled up in her eyes and ran down her cheeks. Her nose stung and began to drip. She wiped at it and sniffled. She fought for self-control and finally gained a small measure of it. Enough to kill her sniffling anyway.

"Hello-oh!" Akane shouted. "Can anyone hear me?"

The echoes of her voice were short lived. Sugi forests are made up of mostly soft surfaces and do not reflect sound all that well, so she waited for a few seconds and hearing no reply, she tried again.

"Hello! Can anyone hear me? I'm lost, cold and wet! I need help!"

The echoes of her voice quickly died and no answer came. Akane shouted four or five more times and then decided that she may as well blunder on.

 _Dying on your feet is far better than simply lying down and dying, Akane,_ she thought. _At least if I'm moving I might find a trail or something. I don't even want to think about Dad or Ranma learning that I just sat down and died. I'd never hear the end of it once they finally meet up with me on the other side._

The going cross slope was difficult. This forest was choking on its own ruin. It was old and had not been through a cleansing fire for several decades. There were rotting limbs and stumps everywhere Akane looked. Vines pulled at her as she plowed through them, and under story plants with huge leaves lapped wetly at her face and body. Some of the vines had thorns that ripped both her clothing and her exposed skin. Even worse, she could feel the painful itching bites of leeches attaching themselves to her skin.

"Next time I'll know better than to set out on a trip with the youkai wearing a dress," she muttered as she stopped to remove a leech high up on her inner thigh. "Should have known better than to follow a bunch of half-transparent and irresponsible creatures anyway. Why am I so stupid? I never do seem to think ahead."

She slipped on the deep matting of fallen needles and other detritus several times during the next two hours. She skinned both knees, her right elbow and her chin. The skinned patch on her chin was especially annoying. There was just enough bleeding from it to ruin her dress.

Akane had built up enormous stamina while training with Ranma, but this forest was so rough that she was dog tired after a mere three hours of trekking. She was dying to sit down and have a rest by the time the field of basalt stumps tapered to a point and vanished, but sensing that flat ground was nearby, she pushed on. Just as she was about to give in to her fatigue, she stumbled out onto a wide, well-worn path. There were no needles on it, and the ground was packed so hard that the misty rain had not turned into soft mud.

"Hmph! Been lots of traffic on this trail," Akane said. "Must be fairly well traveled, but which way do _I_ go?"

She looked to her left. The path wound around to-and-fro along the gully as it went down hill. To her right, it wound to-and-fro uphill. The wide path was very much like the train tracks in Tokyo. It looked as though it was in a tunnel, only this was a tunnel through trees rather than structural steel and buildings.

"Downhill is easier and more likely to lead to people, if there are any in this place," Akane said. "I may as well go that way."

She turned to her left and staggered down the hill on the wide winding path. It wandered alongside a stream or small river. The stream was large enough to make the difference between a creek and a river difficult for Akane to discern. She was so tired that she did not care anyway. All she could focus on was putting one foot in front of the other.

She began to reminisce about the pilgrimages Soun insisted on her and the rest of his family take part in. Soun had, for several years, gone to the place where Ieyasu Tokugawa had been buried twice a year, once in the fall and again the following spring. For several years Soun prided himself in taking part in the historical reenactment of the "procession of a thousand warriors." Those processions had been Soun's main reason for spending so much money on his family's antique armor. Akane, smiled through her fatigue as she recalled how proud her father had been to take part in those quasi religious ceremonies. Soun looked so brave and fierce when he wore his armor. He was an entirely different man so long as it was on his body.

 _I wonder if Dad's armor is magical, like that dougi was? It sure makes a different person out of him._

They stopped attending the reenactments once the stock market fell apart and the money ran short. The processions proved to be entirely too expensive for a man of Soun's means. He could no longer participate in them. Akane had been glad for the relief from the boring tedium until she realized how important those trips had been to her father. They had always been exhausting, both physically and financially, but Soun's personality became increasingly frail after his lack of finances forced him to stop taking part. He seemed to regard his inability to keep up with the other participants as a kind of personal failing.

The sound of running water coupled with the wet misty atmosphere had combined to throw her memory back into her childhood. She remembered the physical torment she had suffered during those pilgrimages. This was much the same. She was seeing her early childhood from a more mature perspective now.

She remembered that Nabiki had never complained about the physical hardships inherent in taking part in those silly pilgrimages, until their money ran short. Kasumi, of course, never so much as raised a single eyebrow. She had reacted as she believed their mother would have reacted - with a stiff upper lip and stoic silence. Kasumi had simply prepared such food as they could afford and made certain that her younger sisters had the clothing they needed for those exhausting trips. Their last pilgrimage had taken place the year before the Saotome had arrived.

Akane remembered the places they shopped at while looking for the necessary clothing, and realized that they had all been places that specialized in trading second hand clothing.

"Hell, we still shop in some of those places," she muttered under her breath. "Most of the best clothes I wear everyday came from those kind of shops."

 _Mastering the Martial Arts is not only physically demanding, it costs a great deal of money was well,_ Akane thought. _Now I can understand why Nabiki turned out the way she has. Dad led us down a path that leads only to financial ruin. Whatever on earth possessed him to do such a thing?_

Her nose suddenly twitched at the fragrant smell of chicken roasting over hardwood coals. Her stomach heaved as well, reminding her that she had not eaten since her early breakfast. The memory of her morning meal seemed very distant and very small as she stood in the winding path that had finally leveled out. She could see a small cluster of buildings straddling the path ahead.

 _How long have I been on my feet today?_ Akane asked herself as she stopped to take stock of her situation. _It took the better part of four hours for me to reach the wedding, and I have been stumbling around lost now for - almost six hours now! Does it ever get dark here?" I've been here long enough that it should be well past sundown, but there's not even a hint that the_ _light is fading._

Akane was now dreading what she might find up ahead, but forced herself to keep moving anyway. The smell of cooking food only became stronger as she walked. She was salivating by the time she reached the traditional looking structures clustered around the wide path. Most of this village appeared to be between the path and the little river, but a great deal of its better buildings were on the upward slope on her right.

She came to a stop and stood violently shivering in front one attractive building. It was attractive for two reasons: its front was covered with ornate carvings like one of the more famous sentou back home, and there was the mouth watering aroma of yakitori emanating from it. Akane stared at the building as her shivering became violent shuddering. The hunger pangs nearly doubled her over. There was another smell that made her think of something, but she could not quite dredge it up out of her tired little mind.

 _This isn't a sentou, it's a ryokan,_ Akane thought. _A very old ryokan._

"Konnichi wa gozaimasu!" Called out a youkai that looked for all the world like a western dwarf or halfling, maybe. It bowed to Akane after it had descended the five steps that led into the ancient wooden building. "The master was expecting you long before now. You cut through the forest to take a shortcut I suppose, yes?"

"Uh - ah - er..."

"You're drenched and cold," the dwarf said, before Akane could think of anything to say. "You must be starving. Follow me."

Akane finally managed to speak between shivers. She discovered that it was necessary to clinch her teeth so that they would not chatter. "I was expected? Why?"

"Yes you were and it is for training," the dwarf answered without looking back. "Where have you been?"

"I - uh - went to a wedding...uh..."

By the time she could half-answer the dwarf's question, they were in a dark little corner of an out building.

"Wait here," the dwarf said, pointing at a bath stool. "I'll be right back."

Bath stool or not, Akane was grateful to be able to sit down on something. She sat with her knees together and was just getting control of her shivering when the dwarf returned with another. The first dwarf was bearing a tray, the other was carrying towels and a yukata.

"Here, drink this first," the familiar dwarf said. "Careful, it's hot."

Akane took the proffered cup in both hands and sniffed it. It was sake. She had tried sake a few times before and had not liked it. In fact, after having tried it a fourth or fifth time, she vowed to never to put it in her mouth ever again, but she was cold this time, and the liquid in the cup was deliciously warm, so she drank it quickly and immediately regretted gulping it down. This sake was more like an ambrosia than it was a liquid made from rotting rice. It tasted nothing like the sake her father had given her.

"Oh, that was good!" Akane exclaimed as she put the tiny cup down on the tray. "May I have another, please?"

"Of course, you may," the dwarf said as it set the tray down on another stool in front of Akane. "Right after you eat."

The tray had a tiny bento packed with rice and skewer of roast chicken lying across it. There was a tall glass of water sitting beside the bento.

"Eat up; get a bath and get in a soak," the dwarf said. "You have but an hour left to get all that out of the way."

"Do you know who I am," Akane asked as she picked up a pair of chopsticks.

"You are Tendou Akane of the Tendou School of Anything Goes Martial Arts," the dwarf answered. "Master's battle dougi was very fond of you."

Akane was too busy eating to snap the chopsticks, but did manage to glare at the dwarf in outrage.

"That perverted thing?"

"Well, its being perverted was not the master's fault," the dwarf said,with a sheepish look on its face. "He was only a hundred years old then, and it was his very first try at making a magical practice dougi."

Akane felt her jaw go slack which was inconvenient. She still wanted to eat.

"Only a hundre..."

"Yes, well, his kind lives much longer than yours," the dwarf answered with another sheepish look. "That doesn't mean that he's a patient being. Eat up wont you? You need to bathe."

It was Akane's turn to look sheepish.

 _I suppose I stink to high heaven by now,_ she thought. Then she felt her brain click. _It's not a dwarf, but a weird, human looking frog - and the other one is too! Shit! Why didn't I notice the mottled green skin?_

"Go on, girl!" The dwarf croaked. "Eat your snack and get a bath. The master has been waiting for you for days now."

Akane wanted to ask how long a day lasted in this place, but was too busy wolfing down her rice. She ate at about the same speed as Ranma could when Genma was picking at him at the table. The chicken she had consumed as quickly as Happosai would have done on one of his rampages.

"Take your clothes off, deary," the other dwarf said as the first dwarf picked up the tray and left. "We are not shy around here so don't you be."

Akane hesitated for a moment and shivered. The shiver completely evaporated her sense of propriety. She stripped off her ragged wet clothes and accepted the towels.

"Bathing room is that way," the frog dwarf said as it handed Akane her fresh towels. "You'll find everything you need in there. The pools are outside through the rear door. Careful of the water in them. They are as hot as any you'll find in Tokyo."

"Thank you very much - er - I'm sorry," Akane said. "I did not catch your name."

The squat youkai bowed as it said, "I am the fifth enslaved frog of nine, Akane-san. You may address me as you please."

This took Akane aback a bit. She was not accustomed to dealing with enslaved creatures. She was not sure that she wanted to, either.

"In that case, I will call you Daigo-san," Akane said. "Will that be fine?"

"Of course, Human-san," the creature answered. "Whatever pleases you."

"I really am uncomfortable having a slave around to deal with," Akane said aloud without meaning to.

"Oh, don't worry," the frog youkai said in a cheery voice. "My slavery is only temporary and, it _is_ justified. Master will give me my name back when my sentence is complete."

Akane went from being slightly uncomfortable to being exceedingly uncomfortable. "What did you do to justify your slavery?"

The youkai looked offended did its best to look taller. "I do _not_ answer that question. It is enough that I am temporarily a slave."

"I'm sorry," Akane said as she bowed to the annoyed creature. "I meant no offense."

"That is quite all right, Human-san." Daigo-san answered. "You are not familiar with the customs here. Allowances are necessary because you cannot help being rude anymore than you can spare us your body odor. Please get a bath now if you would."

Akane stifled an embarrassed giggle and bowed again before entering the bathing room.

It was small, but complete, and it had a door that led back outside to an isolated set of outdoor pools. She was quick to avail herself of the expensive shampoo and cream rinse she found on the shelf. There was also three different types of soap, each of which was intended for different areas of the body. She made use of all three of them and was shocked by how good it felt to be truly warm and clean.

She settled down in the shallowest part of the nearest pool. Daigo had been right about the temperature of the water. It was as hot as any bathhouse in Tokyo, but she was too tired to care. She fell asleep without meaning to. Another frog-type youkai woke her.

"Come, Akane-san," it said in a much deeper voice than Daigo's. "Dinner is waiting on your table."

"Thank you, Enslaved frog-san," Akane said. "I'm sorry that I do not know your name."

"That's quite all right," the youkai said. "I very much prefer to remain anonymous. This way, please."

Akane followed the frog-type youkai back into the bathing room and donned the yukata hanging there. There were a pair of fresh panties and a modern brassiere that fit her perfectly. She was deeply grateful for the modern underwear - especially the bra. She hated wrapping her chest with strips of cotton cloth the way ladies did prior to the Meiji Restoration.

 _I am proud of being a woman,_ Akane thought. _Why would any woman want to hide her sex? It never made any sense to dress the way women once did. None whatsoever._

She stood in front of a mirror and brushed her hair out. It was gratifying to see what superior shampoo and cream rinse did to her hair. It was softer and silkier than it had ever been before. It made her feel like one of the latest pop stars.

She put down the brush and followed the anonymous youkai down a hallway and into a small room. It was a low table with a kotatsu. The table was laden with food and there was a cushion for her to sit on. The tatami looked fresh and new.

"You'll find a bed in the next room," the anonymous youkai said, pointing at a shouji on one end of the room. "Master has decided that you are too tired to do any training without a few hours of rest. He is making preparations for your stay."

"What preparations?" Akane asked as she sat down.

"He is delaying the passage of time, for you, of course," Anonymous said. "You would not want to return to your home and find everyone dead from old age, now would you?"

"Not really, no," Akane said. She had learned in China to expect to take part in nine or ten impossible things before breakfast. "I have a lover back at home. I'm certain that he would die of grief over me before he got old."

"Yes, you are a very lucky young woman," Anonymous said as he bowed and backed out of the open shouji. "If you need anything, just ring the bell there on the table. One of us will see to your needs."

Akane wanted to dig into her meal, but she paused and took in a deep long breath through her nose. The room smelled clean and had a floral tint to its air.

 _I can't imagine that I smell so bad to these guys,_ she thought. _They must have a terribly effective sense of smell - or maybe I'm nose blind to my own odor. I know that happens once in a while._

There was enough food on the table that it took her nearly a full hour to eat it all. Her eyes were heavy lidded and she found getting her and her full tummy up off the cushion to be a serious struggle. She was delighted when she stumbled into the next room only to find a futon equipped with modern pillows rather than the hard boxes Japanese people once rested their heads on. She knew right down to her bones that would never be able to sleep that way no matter how fatigued she might be. She laid down with a will and never thought to look outside to see if night had fallen.

Akane fell into a deep dreamless sleep. She was so rested after she woke, that she knew that she had to have slept for hours and hours. A brief nap would not have refreshed her as much as this sleep had. Her joy was spoiled by the necessity of using a night jar. The building did not have running water or plumbing for sewage. Whoever ran this place had been thoughtful enough to place a washbowl out for her use.

Having taken care of her morning business, she discovered that she was thirsty and rang the bell that was still sitting on the table in her assigned quarters.

Yet another frog-type youkai appeared bearing a tray laden with food and drinks.

"Your breakfast, Akane-san," it said with a deep bow as it placed the tray on the table. "Please eat and drink as much as you like. Ring the bell again after your needs are met, and one of us will take you to the master."

Akane ate slowly and sipped at the orange juice greedily. She needed time to think.

 _The light looks the same as it did before I went to sleep,_ she thought. _Either time does not pass here at all, or this region is some sort of bubble in the space-time continuum. Either way, whoever created it has the power of a Kami. But it cannot possibly be a Kami, can it? Whoever made this place also made that wretched battle dougi that nearly ruined my relationship with Ranma. He or she might well be omnipotent, but they clearly are not omniscient. I wonder what sort of creature this creator is? Whatever it is, I will have to be careful. It could easily destroy me and it would be well beyond anyone's power to avenge me. Although, I think that Ranma would die trying to find whoever it is. We did manage to kill Saffron after all. Together, Ranma and I can accomplish almost anything. Perhaps that is why I am here. Who knows?_

With her belly now full and her mind in the Zen state of mind of no mind, Akane picked up the bell. Its tinkle this time seemed much louder than the other times she used it.

 _Just goes to show you how necessary measurements are,_ Akane thought. _Fear tends to magnify the little things and that make you even more fearful._

One of the curious looking youkai immediately appeared in front of her. This one appeared to be a kappa rather than frog.

"This way please, Tendo-san," the semi-transparent creature said with one those deep bows that the enslaved around the region always used.

Akane shivered with disgust. _I simply hate having to deal with enslaved creatures. It's so unfair! She thought. And it likely causes me bad karma to_ _boot._

She followed the ghostly kappa, it was mostly transparent and floated rather than walking, out of the room and down the hall. They wound around in the exceedingly complicated architecture of the building until the youkai led her into a sort of large enclosed garden. There was no roof overhead, but the building surrounded it completely.

 _Oh,_ Akane thought, _now I know what an atrium is like. Still haven't seen an impluvium, though._

She was suddenly confronted by a being who had feathers like a woodpecker, dull green on its back with a red crest and a black and white speckled belly. It had an astonishingly long nose instead of a beak. It seemed supremely confident in itself and its skills, but she had managed to throw it on its ass anyway.

The creature laughed out loud. "I see my dougi was right about you, Tendou Akane. Let us try this!"

The creature whipped out a steel blade that Akane treated with as though it were an over-sized razor.

 _There is no such thing as an unloaded gun and there for damned sure no such thing as a dull sword,_ Soun's voice said in her memories.

Akane and the creature circled around each other as far apart as the atrium would allow. Akane did her best to examine the sliding doors. They all appeared to be the same and she doubted that any of them would simply slide open at her lightest touch, which is what she needed to escape from this seemingly bloodthirsty creature.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Akane asked. "Why did you bring me here? Why did your messengers take me to that wedding first?"

The creature found Akane's questions amusing. It grated out a loud cackling laugh before answering them.

"What I am doing is training you," it said between burbles. "That is why I sent for you. As for the wedding that was my mistake not yours or the youkai I sent to fetch you. They wanted to attend that wedding and I gave them permission to do so, provided they picked you up on their way."

"You forgot to tell them to bring me here before they went to the wedding, am I right?"

The creature launched an attack that was very similar to the ones Kuno had overused, so Akane managed to fend it off quite handily.

"As a matter of fact, I did forget that, yes," the creature said as it kept maneuvering around the atrium. "I see you know how to cope with edged weapons even when you do not have one for yourself."

"You should have expected that, Master," Akane said. "Your dougi chose me over Ranma, did it not?"

The creature cackled with delight even as it launched another sincere assault on Akane. Had her skills been the least bit less than they were, the assault would have made a messy end of her.

"That was the first dougi I ever made and your receiving it had nothing to do with me," the feathered creature said in a voice that put Akane in mind of a Mina bird. "Your fate collected it for you."

The creature launched yet another ruthless attack on Akane, but she once again managed to evade it.

"What did my fate have to do with anything?" Akane asked, hoping that the question would distract the creature long enough for her to launch a creditable counter attack.

 _Learning the art from this thing is going to make training with Uncle Genma look like a slow walk in a park,_ Akane thought.

"Oh, like as not it has everything to do with your family and your fiancée," long-nosed creature said in a squawking voice. "Shall we try another weapon? The bo, perhaps? Or would you prefer the English quarterstaff?"

A thick pole, a little under two meters long, suddenly appeared in Akane's hands. She saw that her putative teacher had one as well. Akane grinned as she launched a very sincere attack on her feathered opponent, but he was crafty and she came out of the brief exchange with two very bruised fingers on her right hand.

"You'll learn not to tip off your opponent eventually," the long nosed apparition said. "You would have died against someone bent on doing you real harm that time."

Akane grimaced with pain and shame. She knew deep down that what this creature said was the absolute truth. She was not performing anywhere near her full potential.

 _Ranma has Happosai, I have this - this - oh! He's Tengu!_ Akane thought as surprise shot through her body, forcing it to tingle from the top of her scalp to the soles of her feet. It was then that she noticed a curious interaction between her and her quarterstaff. She could feel her ki flowing into and she could feel the ki that the quarterstaff had absorbed from its previous users flow into her. It was a remarkable feeling. So remarkable that she became distracted and earned herself another sharp clout in the ribs from her new master.

Her newfound knowledge of her weapon allowed her to fend off most of the energy from the blow, so she merely grunted as though surprised, but not hurt. Nothing could have been further from the truth, though. The blow to her ribs smarted enough to affect her breathing. She and the Tengu danced about for a few more minutes before it called a halt.

"I see that you are tired, Tendou Akane-san," the Tengu said. "Let us rest."

"Hai, sensei," Akane answered as her quarterstaff suddenly vanished.

Two field chairs materialized along with two of the servitor youkai with pitchers of cool water and towels. One was for the master, the other for his student. They set up folding tables, poured water in each of their glasses and then disappeared.

Akane picked her glass up and greedily drank from it. The water was as fresh and sweet as any she had ever tasted before. She picked up the pitcher and refilled her glass, then drank about half of it. She stared at the cup in silence, thinking about the water. It was as good as her new master.

"Thank you for saying so, Tendo-san," the woodpecker like creature said. "It _is_ very good water."

"Where does it come from?" Akane asked.

The tengu smiled. "From my private well. There are several wells around here, most of them are tainted with a touch of sulfur, as it is with most hot springs, but this water is rich in minerals without any sulphur in it."

"So I noticed," Akane said. "It is some of the best I have ever tasted."

"Of course, if you want to be able to fend off insects with little to no effort, you would drink water from one of the other wells here."

This surprised Akane and it must have shown in her face because the Tengu grinned at her. "You did not know that, did you?"

"No, I mean, yes, I had been told that, but I never believed it."

"Tis true. Drinking water from a mildly sulfurous well prevents attacks by parasitic creatures, fleas, ticks and the like. Hardly anyone who lives here and drinks from the local wells suffers from them."

Akane felt the sharp sting of a mosquito bite on her the upper half of her left arm and clapped a hand on the noxious creature.

"What about mosquitoes?" she asked.

"You have to soak up sulphur for a few months, to fend them off, but it will happen eventually - assuming you stay here that long," the Tengu said. He seemed to reflect on this for a moment. "You will likely need to return home before that happens. Arranging time for you mortals is very vexing."

"Why am I here? Or dare I ask?" Akane said.

"You are here because I need to teach you," The Tengu said. "You are so adept at using edged weapons that it is very impressive, even for one such as myself."

This statement rushed to Akane's head, despite her heartfelt modesty. Her face suddenly felt hot.

 _I wonder what Ranma would think of all this?_ Akane thought. _I so-oo wish he were here._

"Oh, don't be bothered by your fiancée's absence, Little One," the Tengu said with an offhand wave. "He is very good, even by my standards, but he is entirely too cocky. You will need to beat that out of him eventually."

"You read minds?"

"Only when you are thinking very strongly," the Tengu said. "It very often gives me a distinct advantage during a fight."

Akane considered this for more than a few seconds.

 _If he can sense what I am thinking, how do I ever hold my own against him?_ Akane thought. _There must be some sort of physiological response in us that he can read from._

"That's only part of the secret," the Bird-man said. "You'll get it all in a few days."

Akane took a very large drink from her glass. "You said that you arrange time, for mortals like me. What does that mean, exactly?"

"It means that I manipulate space-time while you are here, my dear Tendo-san," the Tengu said, "You will remain ageless so long as you are on this estate, yet I keep you synchronized with the world you are from. You do realize that you have wondered off into an entirely different realm of existence, do you not?"

"Yes, I - I - knew that something was odd," Akane said. "I've been interacting with all kinds of youkai since my last visit to China."

"The youkai go everywhere," the Tengu said with a rueful grin, "They even go where more powerful creatures cannot go. They will lead you to any place you need to go, once you learn how to communicate with them."

"Most of them I have never heard speak," Akane said. "Do all of them talk?"

"In their own way and in their own time, yes."

"You do realize that you have me at a disadvantage, do you not?"

"Oh, dear me! I apologize. My name is Savinien de Cyrano de Bergerac," the Tengu said. "I thought perhaps you would have recognized me. I recognized you easily enough."

Akane was shaken to her very core by this pronouncement.

"I do recognize the name. You were a famous swordsman in Europe, weren't you?"

"Yes, in the early seventeenth century. I left France for Japan in late July of 1655."

"You reportedly died from wounds you suffered in a botched assassination attempt."

"Falsified, obviously, but the attempt on my life was most sincere. I simply took advantage of it so that I could go to my new home."

"Your new home was Japan?"

"Yes, you see, we Tengu are made, not born or hatched. An opening became available and I accepted it. France was boring in those days. Too much fussing about over religious matters for my tastes."

"Why was that dougi you made such a pervert? Are you a pervert?"

"Some people said that of me while I was in Paris, but I almost never lived up to their claims. I suppose I should be ashamed of that particular failing, but I'm not. Sex is bothersome and tedious for me. There are those who thrive on it, but I am not one of them."

"You were an infamous brawler though, and a very notable swordsman."

"I am still both of those things, my dear."

"Why do you have to manipulate space-time in order to teach mortals?"

"Were I not to, there would be grave consequences for my mortal students," Savinien said. "They would return home after their training was complete only to learn that everyone they had ever know died of old age while they were training. It is a very painful experience, you know. I missed ten years because of my training."

"How did that happen?"

De Bergerac rolled his eyes and shook his head. "My teacher, Takuan, had entirely too many students. He could not keep track of us all, or our needs. You do know of Musashi, do you not?"

"Hah!" I don't know of anyone in Japan that doesn't. Most of us also know who Takuan was."

"Musashi and I learned our mastery of the sword from Takuan. If you check the historical records from those years you will find a number of puzzling discrepancies."

"Let's see, Miyamoto Musashi was born some time in the late fifteen hundreds - 1584 - I think."

"Yet Musashi's father's gravestone says that _he_ died in 1580. That must have been a world record for a pregnancy, don't you think?"

Akane hung her head. "It's not possible. Human pregnancy lasts only nine to ten months."

"You're talking about today with modern medicine, but yes, it is as true today as it was back then. Four years or so is way longer than anything possible for a human being."

"So...His mother was a...What?"

"Oh, she was as human as you are, but there was this kind of - er - mishap in dealing with what you modern kids call the space-time continuum."

"What did people call it when you first came to Japan?" Akane asked.

The Tengu shrugged his shoulders and said, "We called it heaven or hell or _the_ _beyond_ , whatever seemed appropriate."

They sat in silence for a moment, and another question traipsed through Akane's mind.

"Why was I chosen for this?"

"You died twice," Cyrano said. "Once by being drowned by the people living on Mount Phoenix, and once by magical dehydration caused by the local phoenix, a fellow named Saffron. You and your fiancée defeated a Phoenix Kami together. What more could have been asked of you?"

Akane was stunned by his reply and so stared off into space.

"Oh, do go on, my dear! Surely you know by now what your destiny is."

This sobered Akane very quickly. "No, I don't know what my destiny is. Do you know?"

The Tengu smiled at her gently. "You are a phoenix yourself, you silly girl."

Akane blushed. She felt her face getting hot.

"Wait!" Cyrano shouted as he threw his pitcher of water on Akane. Don't burn now, you still have a thousand year or so to go!"

Akane sputtered. The water was positively chilling. "Wha..."Why...Why did you do that?"

"I thought you were about to burst into flames!" The Tengu shouted in an alarmed voice. "It's much too soon for you to do that."

"I...I'm not going to burst into flames!" Akane shouted back. "Whatever made you think that?"

"You are already a phoenix!"

"I'm a what?"

The Tengu cackled with humor once again. "You, are a phoenix. The next time you die, you will do so by bursting into flames."

"I most certainly will not!"

"Certainly you will, my dear. That's what phoenixes do."

This brought Akane up short. "You mean that I am going to live forever?"

"Well, forever is a rather long time, but for all practical intents and purposes, you will last as long as your native part of the universe lasts. I don't know what will happen after that. At least, no one that _I_ know does."

Akane's jaw was now flapping like a rag in a strong wind. It took her a moment to regain her composure. "You mean that everyone I know now will die before I do?"

"Well, perhaps not Ranma, although I don't give him much of a chance at outliving your first life."

Akane was now flabbergasted all over again. "My first...life?"

"Yes, this, well, technically I suppose you should count it as your third life, but yes, _this_ life of yours will outlast the lives of all the people you know, save possibly Ranma Saotome, but he could die in battle at any time. His fate is yet to be decided. Who knows when _his_ thread will be cut? The Fates are capricious with the threads of a warrior's life."

"I'm a warrior, too," Akane said with iron determination in her voice. "Why wouldn't they be capricious with me?"

"They will be or - well - they are. It's just that you will be reborn from your ashes. Most creatures move onward. You will be reborn from your ashes over and over and over..."

Akane felt her stomach fall away, the way she did when standing on something at a great height. She was horrified in a way that she had never experienced before.

 _I should be happy, thrilled even,_ _but I'm not,_ Akane thought. _Will the Kami charge me with hubris the way they did Nabiki? This is terrifying. I am going to outlive every one I know? Daddy? Kasumi? Nabiki? Even Ranma? Not to mention all my friends at school. What the hell did I do?_ An even more horrifying thought crossed her mind.

"Will I ever have any children?"

Cyrano grimaced the way person does when he steps on something sharp.

"Ah...well you see, there's a price humans must pay for becoming immortal."

"So I will never have a baby, then, will I?"

"No, you won't."

Akane had risen to her feet without realizing it, now she sat down rather heavily.

"Mine and Ranma's betrothal is about us having children."

"Yes, well, you cannot have children," Cyrano said. "Ranma will have to turn to another woman to fulfill that part of the bargain between your families."

Akane's nose stung as hot tears welled up out of her eyes, splashing down her reddened cheeks.

"It's not fair!"

"No, no it isn't fair at all," Cyrano said in a saddened voice. "Life is almost never fair, but it is in this case. You get to live practically forever, so why should you insist on having children?"

"Because I want them!"

"We all have things that we want. Having a desire does not mean that you can have it."

"But this is forever!" Akane shouted. "I will live forever, but I'll never ever have kids of my own. What kind of bargain is that?"

"Most people would say that it is a good one," Cyrano said.

"Well - it isn't!" Akane shouted. Hot tears of frustration were now dripping from her chin. "Not for me." She sniffled.

Cyrano rolled his eyes and clapped his left hand to his forehead.

Akane glared at him. "What's wrong with you, _Master?_ "

Cyrano dragged his hand down across his more than ample nose and pulled at his chin with it. "You just reminded me of the love of my life, Roxanne."

"You mean that was more than a play?"

Cyrano rolled his eyes. "Yes, it was much more than a mere play, but it was nothing like the play that Rostand wrote. I never ..." he paused to shake himself all over, making his feathers rattle and fluff out temporarily. "Never mind all that. It's water under the bridge and long gone. You are clearly overwrought. Go have a nice long soak and get a nap. Someone will wake you for our next session."

With that, Cyrano the Tengu spun on his heel and left the atrium, but he never opened a door. He just walked directly away from Akane. He got smaller with each step he took, then simply vanished into thin air during his fourth stride. Akane sat for a long time staring after Cyrano. There was a noise to one side of her and she turned her head. It was one of the frogish youkai bearing towels and a wash rag.

"Please, follow me, Tendo-san," the youkai said in a chirruping voice. "Your bath is ready."

Akane did as her new sensei instructed, and once again fell asleep in the hot water of the outdoor pool. Her fingers felt better, but she was overheated and famished. She visited the shower and wetted her overheated body down with cool water before putting on a dry yukata. By then, the youkai had a hearty meal on the table for her. She ate her fill, it was unagi eel on rice, one of her favorite dishes. She even drank a beer with the meal, but she followed the beer with several tall glasses of cold fresh water. After that she slept like a rock.

She trained with Cyrano the Tengu again when she woke up. He drilled her mercilessly on the use of the staff he had given her. She was completely exhausted and battered by the time Cyrano called an end to that second session. Cyrano left in the exact same fashion as he had at the end of their first training session, and Akane staggered off behind another of the slavish youkai, which this time, was a lantern with arms, legs and a single eye.

"Are you enslaved?"

"No more than any other lantern is enslaved," it answered in a language that was actually a soft hiss in Akane's mind. "I enjoy this work."

"I see," Akane said. "Do you belong to Cyrano?"

"No, I belong to this ryokan," it answered.

"Cyrano does not own this place?"

"He leases it," the lantern youkai whispered, "whenever he needs to train a student from the mortal realm."

"Oh, where does he live, do you know?"

"In the mountains of Kyushu, I think," the lantern said in its hissing voice. "By the way, you have learned to speak the youkai tongue quite well."

It was then that Akane realized that she had not actually uttered a single word. She had merely asked with her mind. Then she was frustrated because she had lost all contact with the youkai lantern. It did not hear another thought coming from her. Or, at least, it never indicated that it had heard or felt anything at all.

Akane bathed and ate alone once again, then slept for an indeterminable period of time. It never became dark at this ryokan. She had to be in a completely enclosed space to be in the dark. The place was stuck in what appeared to be an eternal twilight on the floor of an ancient forest.

 _Next thing I know, I'll run into Rod Serling,_ Akane thought as she sat down in one of the pools. The water was painfully hot at first, but soothing. I wonder how long I have been here. How many training sessions have I been through? Is this the third or the fourth time?

She soaked until she felt her level of relaxation go as deep as it would ever go, then got out of the pool, dried off and dressed. This time she had been given a dougi that looked much the same as the one her father and Uncle Genma had gotten from that monastery.

This dougi felt very different though. It operated differently. Rather than helping her to make moves good enough to defeat an opponent, it encouraged her to make moves that had never crossed her mind before. It was uncomfortable, especially when Cyrano got through her guard, which he did quite frequently.

"I give you the best weapon ever used or made and a dougi to match and still you are as slow and clumsy as the average mortal," Tengu-sensei complained. "You should practice kata with that staff between this session and the next."

"Are you telling me or the dougi, Sensei?" Akane asked. "And what is so special about this bo?"

"That staff was used by none other than Miyamoto Musashi in his first duel against a swordsman," the Tengu said, then cackled. "He killed that ill tempered fool with it."

"You mean this bo was used to kill Arima Kihei?" Akane shrieked.

"Oh, do go on, girl!" Cyrano said in a clearly aggravated voice. "Surely you can feel the power of it. I can see it coursing through you as soon as you touch it."

Akane nearly dropped it, but managed to hold it at arms length instead. It was pulsating in her hands, as though it were a living being.

"Yes, it is very much alive," Cyrano said with a fierce smile. "Not only does it have the spirit of Musashi in it, it possesses the spirits of every man Musashi killed with it."

Akane shivered from the top of her scalp to the soles of her feet. She was that appalled by what Cyrano had just told her.

"Oh, come on, girl! You and your betrothed killed a Kami, after all. You should be proud to wield Musashi's bo."

Akane found herself panting and unable to speak.

 _This thing has been used to...to...kill men?_ She wanted to scream, but could not get the words past her larynx. _He really wants me to use it? Really?_

Then she realized that the staff was emanating love to her through her hands and up her arms. It was very much like holding Ranma's hands. She reflexively returned the emotion and the staff literally quivered.

"Yes, you keep doing that, Tendo-san," Cyrano said. "The staff actually likes you. It expects to be used in many future victories in your hands."

Having said that, Cyrano spun on his heel and walked directly away from his student, disappearing in mid-stride of his fourth step.

The dougi took over Akane's body as soon as Master Cyrano vanished. It forced Akane to do kata after kata after kata. She improved by visible increments with each kata until she became tired. The dougi forced her to do three more rounds before suddenly vanishing, leaving her naked in the atrium.

"Chikuushou!" Akane shouted in frustration. "It left me standing here without so much as a stitch!"

Akane cast about for a place to sit. She was so tired that she did not think that she could stay on her feet any longer, and having her sweaty skin exposed to the ambient air was about to chill her to the bone. Instead of a place to sit, she saw another frog-type youkai, holding a pitcher of water and a glass. Another youkai, this one was rather like a rack used to hold armor, stood next to the frog-youkai holding a fresh yukata and a towel

Akane decided that modesty would be wasted on youkai. She walked over and took the glass and pitcher away from the frog-youkai and poured the glass full. This water was tainted with sulfur, but it was cold. She drank it down greedily and then poured herself another glass, gulping it down.

She handed the glass back to the frog-youkai and then took the yukata from the armor-rack youkai. She was surprised that this was not a yukata, but more like a regular housecoat. It was made of soft thick felt and had a dark blue and green plaid pattern. She was grateful for its softness and warmth. The armor rack turned and hopped away, disappearing in the middle of its fourth hop. Another youkai appeared out of nowhere, this one was clearly a kappa.

Akane staggered along behind a floating kappa, hardly able to hold her head up as the kappa led her to the bathing room. She fell asleep while soaking in the outdoor hot pool. A frog-like youkai woke her up. It was the one she had decided to call Daigo-san.

"Good evening, Daigo-san," Akane said. "I missed you."

"I am gratified to know that you did, Human-san," the frog-like youkai replied, but he looked revolted. "Dinner is waiting for you on the table. Please get out and dry off."

"Yes, of course," Akane said. "Let me get dressed and I'll be right there. Could you get me a pen and some paper?"

"Why do you want a pen and paper?" Daigo asked, suddenly suspicious. "That might get us both into trouble, you know."

"Trouble?" Akane asked. "How might a pen and paper get us into trouble?"

"I shall ask Master for permission to get those for you," Daigo answered. "Such items have great power here in our realm of existence."

"Oh, now I remember!" Akane exclaimed as she tiredly pressed the back of her hand to her right eye. "If someone writes down your name you become one of their possessions, right?"

"There is much more to it than that, but what you just said is essentially true," Daigo said. "You do not know enough to have a pen and paper in this realm."

"I don't have the enslavement of anything in mind," Akane said. "All I want to do is to keep track of the number of training sessions I am completing."

"You mean you actually want to make trouble for yourself?" Daigo asked. "Why?"

"All I want to do is to keep track of how many times I train with Master Cyrano, that's all!" Akane was irritated now.

Daigo gave her a hard stare. "Go ahead and make trouble for yourself. It would serve you right, _human_." There was a snarl in Daigo's voice that Akane did not like. It seemed menacing.

Akane still held Musashi's staff in her hands and Daigo eyed her warily, as though it feared an attack.

"Why are you so nervous?" Akane asked. "I'm not going to attack you."

"That remains to be seen, _human_ ," Daigo said. "I don't trust you."

"What have I done to make you mistrust me?"

"You are a human and you are here," Daigo answered. "It unusual for a human to even notice us youkai. Most of us have either been betrayed or abused by humans. None of us trust the likes of you."

"I'm not..."

"Do you have any idea how many of your botched meals are running around in this realm? All of them were supposed to be eaten but weren't thanks to your making them so poorly!"

Akane's face got red.

"And all those misshapen dolls you made! There are hundreds of them running about in this realm."

Akane felt the sting of tears in both eyes. She was both frustrated and ashamed.

"It would have been fine had you kept those dolls, but you simply threw them into the trash - as though you were ashamed of them!"

"I - I was ashamed of them. I didn't want anyone to see them and make fun of me."

"I know, and the dolls you tried to fix are the worst looking of the lot!" Daigo shouted. "Have you no shame?"

"Would walking upright under this building do?" Akane asked.

"No!" Daigo shouted. "That is where your botched meals live you konama onibaba..."

Akane was startled when Daigo suddenly vanished in the middle of his rant. He was replaced by the lantern youkai.

"Master says that you must not be allowed to have a pen and paper," the lantern hissed softly in Akane's mind. "It would fall afoul of his spell to control time for you if you kept track of anything you do here."

"I see," Akane said. "Do you resent my presence here?"

"Pay no attention to that scum eaten little frog," the lantern hissed. "Bigotry knows no borders. He is just a simple frog that turned into a youkai when he was gigged by a human and eaten. He has been warned more than once about clinging to his resentment of what happened to him in his previous lives in the other realm."

"How many youkai are there like him?"

The lantern gave Akane the impression of somehow shrugging. "How much bad karma is there in that realm? Youkai such as he are the product of bad karma."

Akane suddenly felt faint. She could not remember how many clothes and rag dolls she had attempted to make, let alone the botched meals that had made someone ill. Some of her meals had even made her sick.

"Oh, don't worry," the lantern hissed. "You are innocent of any deliberate wrongdoing. All the youkai you produced will not hold your clumsiness against you. They all know what you have become and are proud to be part of your past."

Akane gave out a huge sigh of relief. Then it dawned on her that a phoenix must have some serious duties to see after and she quivered.

 _I just hope I'm up to it,_ she thought.

"Now it is time for you to bathe," the lantern youkai hissed softly. "You have a very long day ahead of you tomorrow.

Unable to record the number of sessions as they occurred, Akane completely lost track of both time and effort. It seemed as though she studied under Cyrano-no-Tengu for at least a year, perhaps longer. But then, after very tiring session, she found that she could not seem to quite recover her breath, even while she soaked in one of the outdoor pools. The youkai looking after looked rather too transparent, as though it too were suffering.

"What's wrong?" Akane asked her attending youkai. It responded by silently shaking its head. "I'm going to need help getting out of this pool."

The youkai, which appeared to be an ancient chest of drawers, rattled and banged then yet another youkai appeared. This one was shaped like a ladder; it lowered one end of itself into the pool.

"Thank you most kindly, ladder-youkai-san," Akane said as she used it to clamber out of the pool. "You are a life saver. Water and I do not mix all that well. I'm a hammer, myself. Can't float for _kaka_."

Once she was out of the pool, she could tell that the ladder-youkai was having trouble getting out of the water as well and pulled it out. It turned out to be extremely laborious. She found that she could only pull one rung of it out of the water at a time with mighty jerks. Each pull required as much energy as she had used on her cell gate in Jusendou. By the time she had pulled the ladder-youkai out of the pool, she was exhausted and fell onto her side. All she had on was her birthday suit.

* * *

Cyrano-no-Tengu settled down in his nest with a sigh of frustration.

"Damn these space-time spells!" His frustration was very real and deep. "I thought I had the hang of them before I started her training! Now everything is about to fail and I can't to anything about it!"

"You cannot," a distant voice said, "but I can. May I help you with these very peculiar magicks?"

Cyrano recognized the voice. It belonged to Inari-no-Omikami, the Kami of commerce, communications, agriculture and industry. Only Amaterasu herself was more powerful in the Asian pantheon. Chills ran up his back. His feathers ruffled involuntarily all over, doubling his apparent size as he answered.

"Yes, Inari-no-Omikami, please do!" He squawked. "I shall owe you gratitude forever."

"Yes, you _will_ ," Inari replied as she made herself manifest on the edge of his nest. "Your little Genwakuza has drifted away from Earth."

"That was my intention," Cyrano-no-Tengu said. His feathers were still ruffled and now he shook all over, making a rattling noise. "I did it so that Tendo Akane would not age, while I trained her."

"I see," Inari said with a foxy grin. "That was rather foolish of you."

"Whawka?"

"It _is_ acceptable to slow time for the sake of your students, but freezing time altogether has disastrous consequences. Did you not realize that the space-time tendril connecting this realm to Earth has grown so tenuous that it is no longer transferring adequate supplies of air and water?"

"That's why she had such a rough time with training today," Cyrano said in a surprised voice. "She was short of oxygen!"

"And moisture in the air," Inari said. "Allow me to correct that."

Suddenly, Cyrano realized that he had been affected as well. He felt the nagging cloudiness of thought dissipate like the morning fog. He could breath much easier and the air was no longer dry and scratchy in his throat.

"That's much better, Inari-sama," Cyrano said. "Thank you ever so much."

"I'm not doing this for you, Cyrano," Inari said. "I am doing it for my niece."

"I was unaware that she and her sisters were any kin to you," Cyrano said in an alarmed voice. "I apologize for inadvertently risking her life."

"Their mother was a kitsune and quite dear to me," Inari said. "I never could understand why she married that yarou Soun, but she did at least produce some fine daughters with his help. Here is how you can avoid the problem the next time you need to to teach students for a prolonged period of time. You calculate a geodesic path through four-space thus. See?"

"But that will age the students about one second out of a hundred!"

"True, but it will not cause you to drift away from the constantly moving Earth, either," Inari said. "The way you stopped time caused you and your little Genwakuza to stop moving, so Earth left you and it behind. Earth is now a quarter way further through its orbit - millions of ri - yet you and your Genwakuza stayed where you were when you cast your spell."

"I see."

"No, you don't, not yet. We must now accelerate and that will put a strain on you and everything else in your tiny Genwakuza. I shall do my best to alleviate as much of the pressure as I am able, but we must accelerate."

Inari called out loudly in a language that each listener heard in a way that was comprehensible to him, her, or it.

* * *

Akane was sound asleep when she heard Inari's voice shout: "Get down and cover your head!" So she rolled over so that she lay flat on her stomach and then crossed her arms over her head, just the way Soun had drilled her and her sisters to do in his survival training course. The youkai around her did pretty much the same, save for the ryokan, which was itself a youkai. Something about planting her nose in the stone outside told her that it was ghostly. Then she lost all thought as it felt like tons of soft weights suddenly pressed down upon her body. She started having difficulty breathing again.

* * *

Cyrano found himself unable to lift his chin out of the straw of his nest. It was as though some invisible giant came along and pressed his head down with one hand, driving his chin into the straw. He did not know how long this continued, but it became about all he could bear before it finally stopped.

"Gahack!" Cyrano cried out as the pressure vanished and he could once again raise his head. "Why did you do that?"

"Because it was necessary to get your Genwakuza back in orbit around Earth, Cyrano-no-Tengu."

"Did it have to be so rough?"

"It was as gentle as I could make it. You should not have been so foolish to stop time for so very long, you know."

"I - I meant well! It was not as though I did this on purpose."

"I know," Inari said in a purring voice. "You would otherwise be dead."

Cyrano felt more than a little fear slice through his body. He shuddered.

"How did you learn these magicks, anyway?"

"From a human wizard named Howl Pendragon. He built a castle that could wonder about the countryside, yet had a door that would open in different towns."

"That must have been complicated."

"It was, but he had the help of a fire demon."

"An oni made of fire? Really?"

"Yes. It was a falling star that Wizard Howl caught."

"A hidama?"

"Yes."

"I did not realize that they were living beings."

"Many hidama are in some realms."

"Oh."

"They are very powerful beings where they are beings at all. In this realm though, they are merely falling bits of rock."

"Oh." Cyrano's voice had a note of disappointment in it.

"I must go take care of my other duties. Call for me when Akane-chan is ready to return to her family. I shall show you how to reverse this spell, all right?"

"Yes, of course, Inari-sama."

"Ciao!"

"Good bye," Cyrano said as the Kami of Commerce vanished. He clapped his left hand to his forehead after Inari was gone.

"I'll never attempt this sort of thing again without Inari's help no matter the costs involved. She drives a harder bargain than any other Kami, but her work is worth the price."

* * *

No matter what Akane said or did, Cyrano would not explained what had happened. He only trained her all the harder. He pushed her up to her limit during every drill plus a little more. She was exhausted at the end of each session. Some of those sessions had gone by quickly. She might have suspected foul play, no pun intended, had it not been for the increasingly drab appearance of Cyrano himself. He left looking as tired after each session as Akane felt. She decided that a change in subject might help.

"This ryokan is a youkai, isn't it?"

"Yes, child, it is. When did you decide that you were staying inside a youkai?"

"The other day when all that weird stuff happened. How long have you had it enslaved to you?"

"It's not enslaved. It likes it here. It could leave at anytime and there would be nothing I could do about it. Now, en-guard!"

Akane batted away Cyrano's thrust with Musashi's bo.

"You're dodging my questions."

"No, I'm not!" Cyrano said as he launched a daring fléche on her. She cheerfully bruised his ribs in return.

"Yes, you are, dammit!" Metal blade rang against Musashi's bo. "Now answer me. Where did you find it?"

"This old ryokan was wondering about Towada Ko, if you must know. Its owner was a shrew so the place went broke. It later burned up in a fire and became a youkai. Happy now?"

"No!" Akane shouted as she launched an attack of her own. "Why is it here?"

"This is the realm of youkai, silly girl. I'm a youkai as well."

"I know that, but why does it stay in this particular wood?"

"Why don't you ask it? It could tell you far better than I," Cyrano answered as he tried to jam the tip of his sword between Akane's breasts. Akane riposted with the bo, driving the Tengu's blade into the ground.

"Why do you do that?" Cyrano asked.

"Because it hurts you to have to resharpen it!" Akane answered truthfully. "You haven't enslaved the inn?"

"Of course not!" Cyrano squawked his frustration. "What ever made you think that?"

"The other youkai say they are your slaves, why not this ryokan if it is a youkai?"

"I don't hold any of their names, child. They are being punished for their misdeeds."

"Who holds there names?"

"A local witch. I merely rent their services from her."

"What did they do wrong?"

"Well the frogs and the kappa, the majority of the youkai working here, are prone to eating each other's young."

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed," Cyrano said as his sword rang from another blow of Maharishi's bo. "You could easily break a sword with that thing, you know."

"Why would I?" Akane asked. "We're only sparring."

"Because it would help you to do so, silly," Cyrano said, as he thrust the tip of his blade at her again. "Go ahead and try. It will give you a feel for it."

Akane then took a hard swipe at Cyrano's sword and it flew out of his hand.

"I said try break it, not knock it from my hand!" Cyrano squawked with frustration. "Why don't you ever listen?"

"I do listen and I tried, but you turned loose of it, Master."

"I did not turn loose of my sword!" Cyrano said in a dry tone of voice. "You hit it as though you were a gorilla or something."

Akane grinned at him. "Ranma calls me a gorilla all the time, but then he also says I only have half the fleas."

"I'm not surprised," Cyrano said as another sword, this one a katana rather than the rapier he had been using, appeared in his hands. "You rely on your strength entirely too much. You need to start using the techniques that dougi and I have taught you."

"What techniques? One of them is for breaking swords?"

Cyrano launched an overhead attack. This frightened the wits out of Akane. If she failed to block it, the attack would split her from the top of her head to her crotch. She felt her ki surge into the bo just before it made contact with the side of the katana. The katana rang out as though in pain. The majority of it whistled across the atrium and struck a rock. Cyrano was holding the now next to useless pommel in his hands.

"That's more like it, Akane-san! Very good."

Akane stared hard at Cyrano and panted.

"Let us rest for a moment," Cyrano said. "That was a major breakthrough for you."

"How so?"

"You finally used your ki," Cyrano said with a smile. His smiles tended to frighten his students more than encouraging them. This smile was much the same as the rest. Akane gave him a pensive stare. "Which is what I have been after since you arrived."

Akane stared off into nowhere, silent as a grave.

"Next time, we shall train in another place. Prepare yourself. Get a bath, have big meal. Your training will become truly serious starting with our next session."

Akane merely cocked an eyebrow at the tengu. Cyrano spun on his heel cackling as he disappeared in mid-stride on his fourth step. He heard Akane give out a shrieking growl as the dougi insisted on her doing yet more kata. He cackled again, just to let his student know that he was aware of her torment.

* * *

Cyrano-no-Tengu had good reason for delaying Akane's training. He needed the time to heal up. He stayed in his nest, which was in one wing of the youkai ryokan, not moving for the equivalent of three days. She had actually given him a severe drubbing, and that was a first for him. He could not believe it even as it happened.

"No wonder this girl has been made a phoenix. She's incredibly powerful, even for a Tendo. I just hope she will be obliged to teach a student like her one day," Cyrano muttered to himself through the waves of pain washing through his body. "I hope I never have to teach the likes of her ever again!" He groaned even louder as he realized what he had to do next. "Now we have to go out and train on that devilish clump of stone posts. At least she will be as miserable as I this time."

* * *

Akane wakened with a jerk. She had been dreaming about fighting Cyrano-no-Tengu to the death. It had not been a pleasant dream. She had gotten tangled in her covers while she slept. They had her bound as though someone and walked into the room and tied her up as she slept.

Akane gave out an exasperated sigh as she resisted the urge to simply rip the bedclothes to shreds. She took the time necessary to extricate herself one twisted tangle at the time. By the time she had finished her bladder was screaming for relief and she had to rush to find the night jar.

After she had finished her business and cleaned up, she realized that the room was unbearably hot. It had always been chilly in the past. It made her wonder if something major had gone wrong while she slept, and was surprised when a never before seen youkai suddenly appeared in her room. This one was based on a lamp hanging from a hook on a bent pole.

Without two legs it was unable to walk, it hopped about on its pad, thump, thump, thump with its lit part making squeaking noises as it swung to and fro. Another youkai, this one based on hat rack thumped along with the lamp-yokai. It had a fresh yukata, towels and a wash cloths draped on its arms. Akane wordlessly took the towels and washrags from the rack-youkai and silently followed the lamp-youkai out to the bathing room.

Akane took her own sweet time bathing and then lazed about in the hot spring until her skin was pink and horribly wrinkled.

"I've been hanging around with these youkai for so long that I am becoming careless of my appearance," Akane mumbled. "Doesn't matter. I needed the time to deeply relax."

She flopped down on the futon and slept until the next meal was served. The youkai brought tons of food to her and she ate steadily for what seemed to be an hour or more. She was so full by the time she finished that she just had to get in another nap. She had a long dreamless sleep and woke fully rested. The lamp-youkai and the hat rack youkai were waiting on her when she woke. She accepted the towels and wash rag from the hat rack-youkai and followed the lamp-youkai out to the bathing area. She only took in a brief soak in the hot spring and returned to her room much sooner this time, only to find the gaudy dougi waiting on her.

"You, are another youkai, aren't you dougi?"

The dougi gave her an elaborate bow in response.

"I suppose we had best get on with it then," Akane said as she undid the belt on her yukata. The dougi replaced her yukata with a flash and then marched her outside the inn.

"It has been so long since I walked outside the ryokan that I had forgotten there is a village here," Akane said aloud. "Where are we going?"

Musashi's bo silently appeared in her hands, giving a friendly buzz in both hands by way of greeting.

"You are not youkai," Akane said to it. "You are genuine piece of oak!"

The bo buzzed her palms once again in answer.

"And you're loaded with ki."

The bo buzzed twice in answer. Akane gave out an audible sigh.

"I wish that there was someone I could just sit and talk to," she said aloud. "I think that I am getting homesick."

The dougi promptly made her start practicing thrusts and parries with Musashi's bo. Akane did her best to relax, allowing the dougi use her body as it pleased. It was far easier on her physically and she could absorb more knowledge when she relaxed. She and the dougi danced through the ancient sugi, whacking and thumping their huge trunks as they went, until they reached the basalt stumps.

Someone had gone to the trouble of removing almost all the dead-fall from the area for as far as she could see. The basalt stumps had thoroughly intimidated her before, but now it positively frightened her.

Another youkai, this one a kappa, appeared with a pitcher of cold water, a towel and a tall glass. It poured the tall glass full of cold clear spring water and held it out toward Akane. She accepted it and drank it all. Then she accepted the towel and wiped her face free of sweat.

"Thank you, Kappa-san," Akane said. "I needed that a lot."

The kappa knelt silently in response. It could not lower its head or the water in its dished in place would have poured out onto the ground. Kappa needed to keep their dents full of water at all times.

Akane felt a powerful surge of ki in her legs and was shocked when she landed on the flat top of a basalt stump two meters up from the ground. It was slippery with a thick growth of moss and she had to struggle to keep her footing, even with the dougi's help.

"I wasn't ready for this!" Akane shouted in an angry voice. "Why didn't you warn me?"

The dougi then forced her to leap off the tall stump to a much shorter one. This one was laden with moss as well and slipped, soaking up the impact with the right side of her rib cage before falling down between the short stump and the even shorter ones. They formed a tight crevice, trapping her body.

"Grr! Why are you doing this to me, dougi?"

She struggled to get out the uncomfortable jam, then remembered to relax. The dougi took over, showing her body what to do to escape the grip of the hard stone pillars. Akane breathed a sigh of relief once she was back on top one of the larger diameter stumps, but was given no time to rest.

The dougi wanted her to crush the skull of a small furry youkai that hid in the crevices of the basalt stumps with the end of Musashi's bo. The furry thing was nimble and could run through the cracks between the stumps as though it were made of water. It stayed on the move constantly, and she could not touch it at all, let alone get in a telling blow.

The dougi decided that she needed a break just she was getting the hang of how the furry thing slipped about, and made her backflip onto the soft mat of sugi needles about ten shaku away from the field of basalt stumps and pillars. She touched down softly by using her ki. She felt a surge of pride from the dougi. It had not prompted her this time.

"Oh, be quiet, you!" Akane said to the dougi. "So I did it without you prompting me. It isn't that big of a deal."

She got another burst of pride in response. Another pair of youkai suddenly appeared with a picnic lunch. It was rice balls with mystery meat and an even more mysterious sauce. All of it tasted quite good, so Akane never bothered to ask what the meat and sauce were made from. She simply consumed them and consumed them rapidly. She was now looking forward to busting that squirmy furry thing with her bo.

Two hours later she was winded and she had not stirred a single hair on the furry little thing. Rather than forcing her to do more kata, the dougi simply allowed her to walk back to the ryokan on her own. This proved to be a painful chore. Akane was completely exhausted by the time they arrived. She fell sound asleep in the hot pool. A youkai was obliged to wake her up and lead her to dinner.

When Akane woke the next time she felt as though she had been in a bad car wreck. There was not a single spot on her body that failed to hurt. She was especially sore on the right side of her ribcage where she had struck that basalt stump when she fell. That part of her was scraped raw, bruised and cut all at one and the same time. Her forehead had a large abrasion that was now scabbing over and she had a blackened eye. She had blisters on both hands and her feet - well - she did not like to think about the soles of her feet. Both of them had been hardened for years. She could strike matches on them as though she were wearing shoes after she had returned from China the last time. Now they hurt like they did the first time she tried running about barefooted.

When she started to eat she discovered that she had chipped her left canine tooth. It hurt to beat the band, but she ate anyway. She could only tell that these things were wrong with her body because she could feel them. She had not even glimpsed anything like a mirror since she had arrived at the ryokan.

"Maybe I'm better off not knowing what I look like," Akane mumbled. "Especially if I look as bad as I feel."

She went out again, and again and again, training for what seemed like weeks on those devilish stumps of basalt. She grew weaker and more physically damaged with each session. She never complained. She refused to give Cyrano-no-Tengu the satisfaction of hearing her cry "Uncle!" Akane decided that if she did ever cry out for mercy, the training would become even worse that it was already. She had decided to go on until her body gave out or she died or both.

After the fourth or fifth session out on the stumps of stone, the youkai began serving her a small cup of foul tasting tea before she bathed in the evening. She did not know all the herbs in it, save that it had some stewed willow bark. It alleviated enough pain for long enough to allow her some fitful sleep after each session. She had quickly lost track of how many times she had drank it at the end of her training periods. Time turned into a long tunnel through grey fog for her. She lost track of everything.

Then after a particularly trying session of drills, she was allowed to sleep without being wakened. Her back felt funny when she woke and it hurt like hell when she sat up on her futon. Her bedding was stained with blood, but Akane could not tell from which wound. It might have come from one of several for all she knew. She did know that she was missing some teeth from one of the nasty falls she had taken. She also could feel puffy places on her face. Her nose seemed crooked and she could barely see out of her left eye.

She ate as best as she could with one side of her mouth. Her jaw muscles ached from from the effort and her ragged teeth caused her excruciating pain, but she forced herself to eat anyway. She knew that she would need the energy from her food to work through the next session on that cold cruel pile of basalt stumps.

The dougi snuggled up to her bare skin when she started to remove her yukata. Akane shivered.

"I'm dying, you know," she said. "You will soon have a dead body inside you."

She heard it reply as though from a great distance, "We shall die together, today I think. Don't worry, though. You shall return and I will move onward."

As cheering as that conversation had been, Akane struggled to stay on her feet on the way out to that dreaded agglomeration of stone columns and stumps. She could feel the dougi struggle with her unresponsive body as they leapt up on top of a tall spire of basalt. She could see nearly the whole of basaltic intrusion from this vantage point. Something glimmered in the sun on the far end of the long stretch of stone, nearly all of it was now bare of moss. She hand rubbed most of it away during her training. She jumped off the tall spire of rock without so much as the faintest thought and landed gracefully on one of the short stony stumps. Then she leapt from top to top to top over the length of the field of hexagonal shafts until she was near the glimmering object. She stood aghast as she stared at it.

It was a bronze mirror and she could see herself in it. She looked like a corpse wrapped in a shiny dougi. Her face was battered and twisted. One side of it hung loosely as though its muscles were dead and the the other half was heavily scarred, as though she had been in several fights with a large predatory cat, like a tiger or something. The left side of her ribcage was stove in and her right leg was twisted so badly that she was surprised that she could still put weight on it.

"Kaw!" Cyrano-no-Tengu cried out as he popped up from behind the large mirror. "You look a mess, Tendo! What have you been doing to yourself all this time?"

Akane gritted her teeth - or what was left of them. It made her head hurt even worse than it had been.

"You know goddam good and well how I got this way you foul smelling bird!"

"Kyak! Kyauk-kyak! Kyaaaah!" Cyrano responded. "You look to be near death, Tendo. I think it might be safe for me to spar with you now! Kyauk-kya-kya-kyuaaaah!"

Akane responded with a blinding fast strike with Musashi's bo. Cyrano just barely avoided it.

"I see that you are as fast as ever," Cyrano shouted. "But your accuracy still sucks!"

Akane said nothing. She was now focused on destroying Cyrano de Bergerac. She no longer cared that he was a famous swordsman and brawler. She did not even care that he had lived on for centuries as a youkai. She wanted him dead and she wanted him dead immediately and her actions proved her intentions. Cyrano-no-Tengu fluttered from stump to stump with Akane in heated pursuit.

"You die today, Cyrano!" Akane shouted. As Cyrano looked silly dodging another of her vicious end on thrusts. "Or I do!"

"I have news for you, Dearie!" Cyrano shouted back. "It's not my time to move onward."

"We shall soon see about that!" Akane shouted as Musashi's bo whirred viciously about her. She was gratified to see that the Tengu had been too intimidated to attack her. She went after him again - and again - and again, leaving a trail of feathers scattered about the tops of the basalt stumps and filling may of the cracks, pockets and crevices with them. Akane had become a killing machine and felt as though she could pursue her prey forever and a day, but she soon learned that she did indeed have limits. She stumbled as she stepped from one short stump to another, nearly falling. Then she realized that her breath was coming in long drawn out ragged gasps, but she also noticed that Cyrano was near his breaking point as well.

"I haven't had mere human do this to me in ages," Cyrano said. His voice was dry and raspy. "You are truly powerful, young Tendo, but you are not a phoenix, yet!" He held up the mirror so that Akane could once again see her reflection in it.

 _My God I look horrible!_ Akane thought. _Ranma will hate me when hesees me. I shall be alone from now on. And it is all because of this feathered creep and his magical dougis! I can't go home looking like this. I'm doomed to wonder among youkai forever, now._

Akane felt the heat in her face, first, then it spread downward into her chest and then even lower into her thighs. She was blinded by the bright light that suddenly surrounded her. She could hear the basalt popping and crackling has began to heat up. Some of it even glowed dull red in the brightness that surrounded her. The scattered feathers instantly turned into light ash as the heavier pieces of wood trapped deep in the spaces between the stone stumps caught fire. Then, Akane realized that the dougi was burning, but she could not turn off the heat. She felt her feet catch on fire and then there as a sudden very painful flash followed by nothingness.

Akane discovered during the timeless black that her rising from the ashes was a matter of her choosing. The universe did not require her to continue her existence at all. She suddenly understood that life is a process of self-sustaining action and that for her, volition was necessary. She had to decide to continue her existence before she would rise anew. She thought of Ranma and her sisters. She thought about Ranma's dangerous quest to satisfy the Gods of the Greek pantheon. She decided that she wanted to be for him, if nothing else.

She woke lying on the futon in her room at the ryokan.

"Hurry and get your morning business done, please," Daigo said. "You go home this time instead of having another training session with Master Cyrano."

"He isn't going to say goodbye?" Akane asked. "I am very disappointed."

"This won't be goodbye," Daigo said. "He will send for you when he decides it is time for you to train again."

"I see," Akane said, then she proceeded to use the night jar and wash her face and hands. Daigo stood waiting in impatient silence all the while. He appeared to resent every second he had to stay in the same room with her.

"I guess you can take the spirit out of the frog, but you can't take the frog out of the spirit," Akane said with a rueful grin. "You are a very hateful little reptile, you know that don't you?"

"I have good reason to be resentful!" Daigo said. "One of you humans sent me here."

"Oh, I doubt that," Akane said. "Most animals move onward when they die, but you got stuck here for some reason. It must have something to do with you. Were you a human in a past life, perhaps?"

Daigo turned a very deep shade of pink through his mottled green skin.

"That's none of your business, you chibi majyo!"

Akane gave the furious youkai the sweetest smile she could muster.

"I'm going to get a bath, so don't wait for me. I'll ring for you when I'm done."

"As you wish, _human_!" Daigo said as he stamped out of the room grumbling under his breath.

Akane felt something go click in her head as she watched the back of the fuming Daigo.

"He's not long for this realm," she muttered. "It is nearly time for him to move onward. He has suffered in this realm until all the others around him are miserable."

Akane was startled when Musashi's bo suddenly appeared in her hands.

"No, I don't want to be the one who sends him onward," she all but screamed. "Let someone else do that."

The staff vibrated in her hands, then vanished. Akane tramped off to the bathing room without an escort for the first time since she had been in the ryokan. It was then that she realized that she knew exactly where she was, and how long her visit had been. It had been so brief as to be painful, yet she had been at the ryokan for at least a year.

"Magic is difficult because it is so self-contradictory, Akane said to herself. "That's a good thing, I suppose. The number of ambitious evil people practicing it would treble if it were easy."

She returned to her room refreshed and relaxed only to find an entire roasted pork butt sitting on a platter in the middle of the table. It was stone cold. She sampled it. The meat tasted good despite being cold.

"I guess now I know where the saying about getting the cold shoulder comes from, huh?" Akane said to the empty room.

She started to pick up the bell and ring it, but decided it best not to. This was clearly intended as a test of her patience. Cyrano had finally gotten across to Akane that her temper was her own worst enemy. He had done so by provoking her until she flashed into fire and turned into a pile of ashes. He might have given her a stern lecture on the subject, but had chosen not to.

She noticed the mirror as she stood still reflecting on what had just recently happened to her. She looked better than ever now. There was a glow about her that had never been there before. It reminded her Ranma's cursed form, for some reason. She gave herself a warm smile and the mirror reflected her warmth back to her.

 _Being angry is the very worst enemy of every phoenix,_ she reminded herself. _Just stay cool and lets eat so that we can get out of here. I've had enough loneliness to last a lifetime._

There were no chopsticks or a fork to eat with. There wasn't even a knife. The roast had a short sword stuck in it. Akane cut the meat with the short sword and ate pieces of the roast held on the point of the sword until she started running into heavy fat. She looked around and sure enough, there was a scabbard for the sword. She carefully cleaned the blade with one the single napkin that had been left on the table before jamming the short sword into its scabbard. The scabbard had been custom made for the blade. She could tell because of how it clicked when she shoved it home.

Daigo suddenly appeared in the room bearing a new dark green dougi.

"Master says that this dougi and that short sword are yours. You may take both of them with you. Do you want to wear the dougi, or do you want me to bring the clothes you were wearing when you arrived?"

Akane rolled her eyes. "Why would I want that tattered sun dress? Leave it wherever it is."

"It will become another resentful youkai if you do that, _human_!" Daigo said angrily as he dropped her dougi on the tatami covered floor.

"Stop telling lies, bigot!" Akane was now gripped with something she had only ever felt once before - cold ruthless fury.

Daigo quivered with rage, but remained silent.

"That dress will be proud to be part of my past, you fool. I wore it here and got trained by a tengu, the former swordsman known the world over as Cyrano de Bergerac. What have _you_ done since you've been here?"

Daigo's eyes bulged out which was almost amusing because he was bug-eyed anyway.

"You have not resolved one single thing since you've been here, have you?" Akane said in a voice that threatened to precipitate carbon dioxide out of the air. "You were sent here to work out your issues, but you have upset the wa of everyone around you instead."

"How do you know that, _human_?" Daigo shouted. "You can't prove it. You lack so much as a single shred of evidence!"

"You are truly thick, aren't you? Akane said. "You don't seem to realize why I am here."

"No I don't and I don't want to know. You're a stinking damned human and that is all I need to know!"

"I am not a human any longer, Daigo-san," Akane said. She was surprised by the menace in her voice. "I was a phoenix before I was _invited_ here. That is why Cyrano has been training me."

Daigo laughed. "Oh, what a glorious delusion you live in, you onibaba! If you are a phoenix, I'm the King of Jigoku!"

Akane stared at the little frogish figure. "Careful what you wish for, you miserable little creature."

Daigo laughed in her face. "Or you'll do what human? You do realize that I could eat you right here right now do you not?"

"Is that a threat?"

"How can you have such a big ugly head and not understand my intent?" Daigo asked. He opened his mouth wide only to reveal the that he possessed the same teeth more commonly seen in the mouths of sharks.

Without thinking, Akane whipped out the short sword and slid it deep into Daigo's chest, then she jerked it out and whipped his blood off of it before sliding it back into its scabbard.

Daigo rocked on his feet looking shocked, then suddenly vanished in a cloud of foul smelling pink mist.

The lantern youkai hopped into the room.

"I see you sent him onward," it hissed softly. "He was long overdue."

Akane felt dizzy and was having a hard time staying on her feet. This was not the first time she had been witness to something such as this, but it was the very first time she had ever done such a thing. She collapsed to her knees.

"Please do not feel bad about sending him onward," lantern hissed in her mind. "That selfish little frog had been making everyone here miserable for months before you arrived. Now he's gone and good riddance."

Akane answered Bright Lantern in its own hissing language. She could feel the lamps sibilant language slithering through her mind. "He may have had it coming, but I didn't."

"There is that, yes, but you did the right thing nevertheless," Bright Lantern hissed. "Do remember this fact, you killed him in self-defense."

Akane looked around the room and her eyes locked onto the magical dougi. It was not a youkai, but it _was_ saturated with mana, the stuff of magic.

"You will need to take off that yukata before the dougi can engulf you," Bright Lantern hissed softly. "It yearns to feel you inside of itself."

Akane got shakily to her feet. "I have someone at home that I yearn to feel inside of me," she said.

"That must be very pleasant," Bright Lantern said. "I don't know a thing about it, though. I'm not made for such things."

"So I can see," Akane said as she removed her yukata. As soon as she dropped it onto the matted floor, the magical dougi simply appeared around her and cuddled her skin. Unlike the previous dougi, that was very flashy, this one was solid dark green and fit her like a glove.

"Come, Akane-san," Bright Lantern hissed in her head. "Your norimono and its bearers are waiting out front."

She followed Bright Lantern out to the front of the ryokan only to find a large procession waiting around a sedan chair. She took in a sharp breath.

"Why so many?" Akane asked.

"They are needed to bear your gifts, Tendo-no-Ouou-omi-sama."

"I am not a Kami, dammit!"

"No, but you do warrant almost as much respect as a Kami," Bright Lantern hissed in her mind. "Do try to live up to our expectations and be imperious for once."

Akane snorted and pointed her chin high as she walked toward her norimono. One of the lumpy kaga-jin youkai held the door open for her. She got into it without utter so much as a word of thanks to the youkai. It looked pleased, as though it had taught her something.

 _They did teach me something,_ Akane thought. _They taught me self-respect and that I am truly worth something. I am not just a nobody. I am Tendou Akane, a fearsome Phoenix. Worthy of the love of Saotome Ranma. I shall never feel bad about myself ever again._

The norimono was nothing more than a lavishly upholstered box with a soft seat in it. It had cunning slats that she could look out of while remaining out of sight. There was a flask of saki and a large bottle of chilled water. The bottle appeared to be as magical as her new dougi. It was loaded with mana. She poured a saki cup full of the fresh cold water and sipped it. It was refreshingly sweet.

"One last gift from Cyrano," Akane said. "I'll be he thinks that it will make a difference the next time we meet."

She sipped at it again.

"He'll have to do better than this to smooth things between us," she whispered. "He made me ugly and I may never forgive him for that."

Akane peeked outside the norimono occasionally as they traveled. She was startled to see the front gate of Tendou-ke. The trip had been shockingly brief. The youkai set the norimono down gently as though it held a very fragile egg. Akane blew out her breath in exasperation, but had second thoughts almost immediately.

 _They're doing this out of respect, not because they are afraid that they will hurt me,_ she thought. _They're afraid that they might annoy me and that I will hurt them. I have arrived at long last. Simply glorious!_


End file.
